FREEDOM

Jesus answered: "I am the way and the truth and the life: no one comes to the Father but through Me." John 14:6

For years I had an alter-ego, this was someone who I would always blame for the things I did wrong, her name was Gemma. She would literally get the blame for everything - in my naive mind I thought this prevent me from getting into trouble, obviously this was not case, but this didn't stop me from blaming her. I never wanted to get into any sort of trouble, so of course I'd blame her. Ideally, Gemma would take all of my blame and be the reason why I did things wrong (of course, years later my parents haven't let me forget...) I always felt like so I didn't get the punishment, I wanted something else to take the blame. But my main problem was that Gemma didn't exist and I would always end up getting the punishment.
     BUT
How great is this - God has paid the way! When sin is concerned He has made a way to eternal life. Sin, shame, regret is pinned to the cross.

We know that - we're taught that from a young age pretty much. But only when we really study the above verse do we actually get some sort of insight to the incredible sacrifice Christ made - so that we may have a clear way to heaven and to God, the father. He took the blame and the suffering so that we may find freedom. It's pretty amazing, the deepest darkest parts of our lives - Christ took for His own. Not only does He give us freedom, but He offers us joy, love everlasting, peace, goodness - it goes on! He paid the price - He took the blame, He served the time. We don't need to have any other sacrifice to gain the glory of God. There is a new covenant made in Christ (this was at the last supper), we no longer need to live in a place where we feel a blockade between us and God, we no longer need to make a sacrifice like in the Old Testament (it was common to kill a lamb). Jesus is the lamb and has made the way to full life in Christ. Through Him all things are made new. When we are born again, when our way to God is made - we have a new identity - our identity in Him, all things gone. All blame, punishment, sin - gone. Our new life is our life. You don't remember anything before you were born do you? So when you were born again, Christ makes no list of your transgressions against Him. A way has been made to fullness in Christ. The way is Christ. He took our punishment, so that we may have life.

Blessings.
May
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What is church?

What is church? Genuinely, what's your answer to that question? Is it 'a building, with a steeple' or are you a little bit more theological then that and your answer is 'it's a fellowship of Christians, coming together to love and worship God' - which is it? I don't mean to patronise you, but both of these answers are shallow and in some ways completely wrong.

I've always been in the mentality that church is a Sunday thing, happening once a week where we all dress up, look our best and leave our worries at the door. We all smile and laugh - eating the chocolate bourbons, drinking the fair-trade coffee. We have the perfect looking families and have that fixed look of euphoria whenever we worship God, we can give a scripture perfectly at any given moment (although, I did this once and realised I'd quoted Night at the museum rather than the Bible) and share 'Christian jokes'. To be honest, this isn't always what we're feeling. I know there's times I've gone to church and gone through the motions. In my first year of university especially I was going through a really tough time with God, but I'd still go to church every Sunday and smile and put my hands up in the right places - but it would all be empty. I didn't want to admit to anyone that I was having a bad time of it. My idea of church was that I have to be happy, I have to be together and have it all sorted on a Sunday morning, nobody really wanted to know my crap. Is this what church is becoming?

As Christians we are so keen on spreading the good word - this is great - but we miss out key parts. God didn't come for the ones who have it all together.; 'I have not come to call the righteous but the sinners to repentance' Luke 5:32. So many Christians take this as 'well Christians aren't all perfect', yeah this is true - but this isn't wholly what Jesus meant. He meant basically that He came for everyone. He came for the cheaters, the liars, the murderers - as much as He came for the gossips and bullies. But, this is something we forget - something that we do not put as our forthcoming message. With the smiles and the sharp suits we give the impression that we have it all together. We need to stop this, we need to stop putting people off. Church needs to stop being a stage for Christians and start becoming a sanctuary for everyone. Church shouldn't be about the performance, but about the help. We need to establish the grounds in which people are coming to the church. It should become a place that is attractive, and not just a place full of 'weird Christians'. We need to make our main message that of one that will attract non-Christians - not ones that will put people off. Our main ideology (if you like), should be one of love. Ourselves we need to know that a church is a safe place, we don't have to put on pretences in order to please the man sitting next to you. Church shouldn't be just for the Christians.

On a Sunday, come just as you are - don't bottle it up, suit it and boot it. Come with a honest vulnerability and hunger for more of God - we get it, not everything is great all the time.

'Church shouldn't be a museum for saints, but a hospital for sinners'

Blessings
May
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The day I stole

I remember it so well, as if it was just yesterday. I remember the thrill and excitement, the rush of blood and adrenaline mixed together made it altogether more daring. Let me set the scene; my mum had taken us shopping, all of us. We were only children and supermarket shopping was pretty dull - but this day has stuck with me. The memory of it failing to disappear - even fifteen years on. I remember seeing it lying there on the ground, Alexander and Grace saw it too. Glistening in the artificial light, small, round and perfect. In a green wrapper it lay, a green foil to keep in the freshness. A single mint chocolate bar/circle. It lay on the ground, a virgin chocolate thrown away from its packet, left to fend for itself. It's only kind we did what we did. I can't remember who picked it up, I'm sure it was Grace as she was the eldest. But all I remember from that point was the taste of mint and chocolate as we split this small yet perfect chocolate bar between us. It was bliss. Still to this day I don't think we ever told my parents, whether it be out of shame or the fact that we had loved the chocolate so much (& for some reason I'm pretty sure we weren't allowed this particular type), or the fact we took pure delight in eating chocolate from the floor...I'm not sure, but I still remember this day and what we did.
   
It's not the world's biggest crime. To be honest it probably isn't really a crime, we, as children took chocolate from a shop floor - which is actually quite gross now I think about it. I've never really forgotten it, I mean don't get me wrong, I don't lie awake tossing and turning, feeling years of guilt and shame over a chocolate bar, but I do remember it. And the problem is, sin doesn't let you forget, most of the time. Although I've never spent days on end seeking forgiveness for the the chocolate bar, I have spent days of feeling particularly guilty and ashamed of other stuff - really boring, mediocre things that to me seem like the biggest deal ever and make me the worst human alive, even though I've sought and received forgiveness.
   Sin is from the devil, we know that - it's kind of obvious & with sin comes guilt and shame. One of the reasons we know we have done wrong is the guilt we feel. It's not our fault, we live in a world where people getting their own back is a given (there was a flipping show about it when I was a child...). People strive to take revenge on the wrongdoings of others - even once the said person has apologised. It is obvious we would feel guilt. But this isn't what God wants for us, this bondage of guilt and shame is something God wants us to break out of. Our unhealthy relationship with sin and shame is slowly but surely hindering our relationship with God and how close we can be with him. We need to ensure that we break out of this cycle of feeling this way, we can't live our lives being ruled by sin. In some cases we feel as if we can never be forgiven - as if our sin is too great and too dirty to be forgiven - these are sins nobody knows about, we sometimes push them to the front of our mind as soon as anyone talks about sin - you probably have it in your mind now. Know that once you have sought forgiveness, forgiveness is given. 'As far as the East is from the West, so has He removed our transgressions from us' (Psalm 103:12). Jesus died on the cross for our sins, every sin was nailed with Him. He didn't only die, He rose again, He overcame the biggest hurdle. He made a way so that we may have life and have it to the fullest. Your sin no longer defines you. To protect yourself however from the trap of a cycle of sin (sin we seemingly can't escape) we need to pray for breakthrough and pray that Jesus will offer us protection as well as being able to break down the walls of sin and wrong doing that we have built. If Christ can overcome death, He can overcome sin.
     Guilt is a horrendous experience, it keeps us awake at night and makes it difficult to want to get close to God. It becomes part of our every day life and hinders us from truly living. But we know this is not the way we should live our lives. We shouldn't be ruled by this great thing which really has no power. Christ has forgiven us, redeemed us and set us free. Guilt is of the devil - he strives to make it as difficult as possible for us to get into an intimate relationship with God, he lies to us and manipulates situations in order to make us fear and feel shame, but this shouldn't be the case. God loves us and is so merciful that the enemy HAS been defeated, therefore sin has been defeated - it no longer has any power. Once the slate is wiped clean, it is wiped clean. There is power in the name of Jesus, to break EVERY chain. Jesus is the only one who has the power and authority to judge, yet he forgives us. His grace is never ending and His love in never failing. He delights in you, His merciful power taking control of you. Know freedom, know forgiveness.

Blessings
May
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I found love in a hopeless place

I used to love following my older siblings around, they clearly hated it. I was three years younger than my sister and just a year younger than my brother. I loved them to bits (& I still do) but I probably annoyed them no end. This one time our family went to Germany on holiday and we visited a lake. My brother decided it would be a good idea to wade out into the lake, I followed him promptly and as it got deeper I continued to follow him - I had committed and even though I was only about four and I couldn't swim I was going to follow Alexander. I don't really know what the plan was or the point of the voyage into the lake, but I didn't care. I was following Alexander, my big brother, I couldn't be happier. Then I slipped.
...
I obviously didn't die. I did however just lie there, excepting my fate...I don't really remember much of it except my dad running into the water and totally rescuing me. His big arms came around me and picked me up, saving me from drowning. I don't think I really cared at the time, I probably just ate sand or something on the shore part - I was too young to really think anything of it. My sister had screamed the whole time and my brother found the whole thing absolutely hilarious. But my father came and reached me out and rescued me. (There literally cannot be a bigger metaphor than that...)

The name of my blog 'Ruins to Glory' is very representative of my life - of my walk with Christ. Truly I was pulled out of the rubble of my life and put in God's light. He has saved me and given me a life - and life to the fullest. God reached into my life when I needed Him & not just when I became a Christian but throughout my life. I think back on the times where I struggled and was far from God - but I look back and I can notice now how God was there, in situations and parts of my life that seemed dark God was there. I am able to say that now God has truly been my saviour. He has the power to lift you out of any situations. We are able to live our life how we want, for God or not - He has given us free will to do so, but also loves us. When we need Him, when we call out to God He will show up. 

I know this video is about 45 years old but this video for me is one of the most emotional and in-depth explanations of Jesus' love. We see the girl at the start dancing with Jesus - this exciting new and beautiful feeling we have when we first give our lives, however she is then challenged with obstacles like boys, money, self-image and alcohol. We see her move away from God and be controlled by these things that are of the world. But as it all comes to a head she goes back to Jesus. However, she is torn apart by the things she is involved with - she becomes a ruin, but before it all gets too much Jesus steps in and protects he. She has lived a life of sin, yet He refuses to let her go. He saves His daughter from downing. God picks you up - He will never let you fall, He delights in you and is in love with you. Know His love and forgiveness and all He has to offer. God will be there in the anguish and the pain, when all seems lost - all you need to do it look for Him - He will fight for you.

Blessings.

May.

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Sorry they didn't have your name

So one of the biggest challenges for me growing up was my name. Having a name like May was probably the worst thing for me. All my friends at school had good names, like Hannah or Megan - I was May. It's not even cool or hippy. There isn't even a back story to it - it's just May. It also rhymes with everything. It's unusual, yes, but this isn't great as a eight year old, desperately struggling to climb up the social ladder and own an Alice band that says my name on it...alas, I was only able to wear one that said 'princess' or 'angel' or some other pet name, nobody ever called me. It's also the name of a month, which meant I was chased round the play ground, people tunefully singing all the months of the year to me (it didn't help that there was someone in my class called April). Having my name sucked. On one occasion my grandmother had returned from a holiday with a little goody bag for us all - my sister Grace got one, my brother Alexander got one (both with their names printed in capitals)..I was handed a little wrapped up present...excitedly I unwrapped it, my hands were shaking as I turned the bag over (my head was filled with pride as I imagined my name being printed on this bag for the world to see. I'd take this bag everywhere with me (even though it was only large enough to fit a chewit in it) but it would have MY name on it.) as I looked down at the bag I read the following: 'A bag for; sorry they didn't have your name'. I have never been so disappointed in my life. Not only did they not have my name, but they had the audacity to tell me about it. Gutted doesn't even cover it. From that day on I've searched high and low for anything (other than a calender) with my name on it. (I really don't want to talk about the heartache when the named coca-cola bottles came out).

For years I hated my name, I hated how it shaped me. I would always have to say my names about six times for people not to think I said Meg (this still happens, please just listen to me). My name was my identity, it was something I was stuck with for life (even if I decided to change it, I'd always be born as May). My name isn't that great, I know that. But as I became a teenager my name wasn't the only part of my identity I struggled with. I began to struggle with who I was. I was also told that Christianity was the right way - I come from a great Christian family and I adore that they encouraged me in my faith, but also let me experience some of the world. I was baptised when I was twelve and I thought that was it, life would be easy now I was a Christian and all I needed to do was sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. Oh, how wrong I was. I grew up with a great group of friends (who I'll always love) but as we became teenagers we struggled with the standard teenage things. Image was one of these. I never really cared about image (this one time my sister's friend told her that he didn't realise she had two little brothers...he meant me and my brother), but I became more and more aware of how I looked as I grew up. I would compare myself to people and I began wearing make-up (big mistake). I would shape myself on how other people dressed or did their make up (at one point I would be caught with big black rings round my eyes, poker straight hair and a studded belt - hot). I strived to fit in and 'look good'. But this idea of looking good changes all the time. 'Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting" (Proverbs 31:30) The Bible tells us here that the beauty we have does go. I only have to look backwards through my photos how fashion changes and how much it does not matter what you wear or look like, because ultimately in a few years it'll all change anyway. (Beauty is like an iPhone, wait a few months and the idea of something else will totally trump this seasons model). We shouldn't be shaped by what is materialistic, because it goes away it doesn't last forever. Our identity shouldn't be designed by what looks good - it should have a deeper meaning.
    But what does this look like? How can we, as Christians shape our identity in order to be something Christlike? Well we have to understand, first of all that in shaping our lives we have to come to the word of God. We should know that we are made by Christ, lovingly and carefully; 'For you created my inmost being: you knit me together in my mother's womb' (Psalm 139:13). You are not an accident. We were made by the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, creator of the heavens and earth - that's a pretty big deal. Every attribute we have, has been designed by Christ. The more we understand and believe this, the better. If we know that actually God is our creator, the better and easier coming to terms with our identity becomes. We are not to be defined by what the world says is identity - make-up and fashion only goes so far. Our identity through Christ is deeper, he knew us before we were even born - he knows us intimately. It's easier said than done, I know that, I've lived that. Being a Christian in the 21st Century is hardly walk in the park. We are told how to act on a daily. But as I keep saying, it is nothing compared to what Christ has in store. I heard an analogy from a lady at a church weekend away which really helps; Think of it like this: When you have sea water, it looks like the real thing, but when you drink it, it doesn't quench your thirst...if anything it makes you more and more thirsty for the real thing. That's like the world's idea of identity - we can try and go into the world and be like as the world wants us to be and conforming, but this never will satisfy us. We will never be made whole by living in this way. We may never know true happiness in ourselves in this way. Through Christ, the real deal, may we know true and ultimate happiness. He can be the shaping of our identity, because He knows us the best, He has great plans for us and love us on an intimate uncontrollable level. He has dealt with our past, He is in our present and He knows our future.
     Another problem is the idea of sin. I know the struggle of being able to let go of the past - I am overwhelmed by guilt and shame when I think about my previous sin and sometimes it's uncontrollable. But the simple truth is your past should not define you. I don't know about you, but I can't help but look around at other Christians and see how 'amazing' they are and how they've got it altogether. I think about what I've done and think I'm the worst person in the world (even though, it's not even that bad). At one point in my life I was ruled by my past failures, I was scared to open up to people and I could never really let go of anything - I held onto things that didn't matter and became obsessed with asking for forgiveness again and again. This resulted in me having very bad anxiety (this is something I still occasionally struggle with). I was taken to see a doctor and I still couldn't deal with it. I became so obsessed that I struggled sleeping and would get sick. I'd feel bad if I had talked badly about somebody, or drank too much at a party that I began to shut off my feelings. My past was totally taking control, I was unable to shake it and therefore unable to grow. This wrecked me. I couldn't stand it. 'Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood' (Isaiah 54:4) Your past does not define you. You shouldn't live in guilt or tainted by what you have done. Our God is so incredible and merciful that He does not look at you in disgust or remember your past. That was dealt with at the cross. You will not be reminded by your sin or shaped by your mistakes - you will grow from them and live from them. Know true freedom and identity in Jesus Christ.

Although I've come to terms with my name, I still hate having to repeat it constantly and get the occasional month joke..(the other day I also got mistaken for a boy..wow, that one cut deep). But I know that my name is not my identity. God knows my name, that's all I need to care about. My past is not what defines me. I have been made through Christ and of Christ. My identity is Him. Remain in Him, invest in Him.

'I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit' (John 15:5)

Blessings.
May
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