Hello blogger, my old friend

Hello friends, it's been a while.

Two very big things have happened to me in the past few months. I shall start with the most recent; I got engaged! 💍💍💍 Yes, I am super super excited and I could dedicate a whole post to it but that can be for another time/if people actually care about it (I really don't want to bombard people with all that stuff - especially because as Christians we seem obsessed with people getting married (I mean the amount of questions and worrying looks I've been getting in the last year because I'm 22, in a committed relationship and not married - I mean oh my goodness)). [DISCLAIMER: Marriage is going to be amazing and God-filled and something I believe, for me, God wants. But it is not for everyone. Fellowship is for everyone, marriage doesn't have to be.]

The other thing is incredible, something that I don't think I would ever really be able to talk about this (which makes me sound like a really class Christian), but I have been set free, set free from a life of anxiety and worry.

The last time I blogged I spoke a lot about mental health and the church, this is something that is very dear to me. For over five years I have suferred from severe anxiety. Back then, when I was 16 I would worry about what people would think of me, exams and boys.  When I got to university it became worse (this time I was dealing with guilt - especially if I wasnt focused in God at that particular time of my life), but still I would worry about exams and what people would think of me. Now, since leaving university my anxiety has become focused on my health and focusing/obsessing of things Ive done in the past. I would constantly go up for prayer at church or events in order to be healed from this. But nothing would happen (I would have to do that super awkward smile when someone eagerly waits for you to say you feel great, but you don't).  So, I know what it's like to feel almost as if nothing is working and like you're abandoned.
    So safe to stay after over five years of struggling with anxiety I almost had given up. I've read loads of blog posts, bought books, listened to sermons and still it wasnt stopping. In fact it felt as if my anxiety had gotten worse. I would have days when I wouldn't be able to get out of bed, or I would have to leave rooms if my anxiety had gotten so bad. I found it very difficult to look to God, I couldn't pray as my mind wouldn't focus because anytime I tried to empty my mind I would worry and obsess and remember that really stupid thing I did six months ago and wonder why that man was looking at me so strangely on the bus and OH MY GOODNESS WHAT IS THAT LUMP...Yeah safe to say, I was NOT in a good place.
        It was at this point I decided to go home, I didn't go for any reason, just wanted some free food for a bit. As a family we went to a church event. It was a pretty good service (I mean, they had a buffet at the end - and like I said, I'm about the free food). I cant remember exactly what the sermon was about (how bad is that), but at the end they did a call for prayer. Again, it wasn't anything specific and most people were worshipping/starting the queue for the buffet, but I decided to go up for prayer. Two ladies prayed for me and I didnt really feel any different, just really calm. As I left the event I wasn't anxious or worried (which was huge because right up to this I had felt dreadful). i was able to laugh and actually, strangely, breathe properly (so cliche - but so true).  The anxiety I had been overwhelmedmwith for years had gone. I was free.

From then till now I have had this amazing sense of freedom and peace. It is incredible. It also has come at the perfect time. I have learnt to trust in God and His timing. Knowing His word does stand firm and does stand against my circumstance.

I know how frustrating it is to feel alone, to feel as if prayer isnt working. Anxiety is a lonely place. The ability anxiety has to cut you off from the rest of the world is astounding, the ability it has to make you sound stupid, constantly repeating yourself, worrying about little things...I get it. Through Christ, through prayer and through His timing I am free.

Just a wee testimony to say i am back and will be trying to blog more, sorry ive been rubbish!

blessings xx

The struggle is real. (Part 2) - So what can we do?

So, as we saw in the last blog I can totally ramble far too much, I promise you I will try not to do that for this one..

We can all suffer from poor mental health. It doesn't matter who you are, rich or poor, pastor or congregation, man or woman - mental illness is something that is very real and very prominent right now. So how, as the church can we make a difference?

• Don't act like Christians are immune from having poor mental health.

It's simple, as Christians we are not immune from having a mental illness. Yes, having Jesus does help - we know a God who is all loving, who is the all-seeing father and redeemer of all, but it doesn't mean that we are never going to suffer from poor mental health. Just like as Christians we are not immune from getting cancer - yes, we have Jesus so with that we have hope but that does not offer us complete immunity. The problem with mental health is that nobody can see it. It's so easy to put on a smile and crack a few jokes, but nobody can really see what's going on (it's also very difficult to explain, especially to people who may not understand). As Christians we need to accept that it's an illness therefore it needs the same attention any other illness would get. Once we begin to accept that everyone, including ourselves, can be affected by this we are able to work toward a more accepting place for sufferers to come to in order to find safety and sanctuary.

       In addition to this, we need to be totally honest. If you are in a position where you are able to talk about it, talk about mental health, then do so. Allow people to know that they aren't alone, as well as having Jesus, they have their brothers and sisters around them who know exactly how they feel. Once we begin to admit that we too can and have suffered from mental health but yet we have a hope - we may not be cured, we may not be able to cure you. But Jesus can heal and Jesus can give hope. 

• Allow people to know that a church is a place of safety and sanctuary.

As I mentioned, poor mental heath is an illness, so we need to make sure we treat it like that. If one of our brothers/sisters came into church after a cancer diagnosis they would be welcomed with open arms, tears of sympathy, hands on prayer and endless offers of lunch/coffee meet ups. We wouldn't just whisper about their condition, put them at the end of your prayer list and be done with it, so why should we do this with mental illness. We need to begin to treat church as a place that people come to when they're weary, when they need to be uplifted, a place where the mentally ill can come to feel accepted and loved. If you know if somebody is suffering, be it from having a bad day, a bad week, poor mental health etc. then take the time to pray with them, offer to take them out, ask them how things are going, cook for them, allow them to cry on you - be  there for them. (Also, a great thing to do is educate yourself! Try looking up information on mental health & the churches attitudes toward it (as well as what the Bible says about it)). If you put an effort into something like that, making an effort to get to know the illness they're suffering from then you can approach it with a knowledge - as well as getting the Biblical knowledge to back it up with too, it could honestly help change someone's life. To know that there are people who are willing to pray with you, not just tell you to pray, or put you on their prayer list is incredible. Jesus answers prayers and He has set us free, so why not proclaim that for the people who crave freedom the most.

• Don't hate on medication - it does work!

So many people stay away from medication, I did it (mainly for health reasons), but if the doctor is telling you to go on medication, then you probably should! Jesus does heal, but He also gave the doctors skills to be able to create the medication needed. He also can work through the doctors in the treatments you have offered to you (such as CBT etc.). It still can be totally Jesus, but just through different means than you think.

• Together, we can start ending the shame!!

No longer should we live in a world where we are ashamed to talk about mental health - but more than too eager to talk openly about sex. Lets get rid of the stigma from a Christian perspective. As a church we should be able to be the first place that ends the stigma, we should be the place where people go first - where they want to go to find freedom. We are Jesus' hands and feet and we are made to go to the dark places, we are being prepared for battle - this doesn't just mean a worldly battle that we  have to fight, but also in mental health. We can fight to change the way that we look at mental health as a group of people, as Jesus' disciples we can learn to be more accepting and loving of those who have been cast out. Open your arms, eyes, hearts and prayers to those most in need and understand just what is needed.

We as a church are to work together to end  the stigmatization of mental illness, to allow people to know and understand the true heart of Jesus and what it means to have hope and freedom. 

Blessings 

May

*Disclaimer: Just like to add, I 100% know God is a healing God, but I also know that He does it in His timing, so sometimes, when the timing doesn't make sense to us, we struggle to see it. God totally does heal mental illness and set the captive free, but we must work toward making the church a place for those who suffer most.

Hello friends

So it's been a while! Google tells me the last time I posted was in April 2015, I'm sorry. Between moving house, family illness and starting a new job I've been struggling with finding anytime to really blog. But I promise, now things are settling I will get back into the swing of things.

   I'm also going to be completely honest and tell you that with my life getting a whole lot more busy I've been finding it difficult to spend tonnes (if any) of time with God. Due to my work I missed most Sunday's at church (which, I know many of you totally may shame me for working on a Sunday) was unavoidable. It's not easy, nowadays sustaining a decent job without working the weekends - especially here in the UK. I'll tell you a wee bit about what has been going on over the past 6 or so months.

Leaving university.

So, one of the hardest and most trusting choices I had to make was to leave university. I had always wanted to go to university and felt that it was part of the path that God had set out for my life. As I've probably mentioned before I didn't have the best time at uni, in my first year I preferred going out and drinking to spending time looking at churches (although I did have a church, but didn't really serve in it at all). Then in the second half of that year one of my close friends died, causing me to question God (& in turn the Christians who surrounded me who didn't offer to pray or anything). I then got glandular fever in the summer - which resulted in an incredible realisation of who God was and His awesomeness, but also in me developing post-viral-depression (which is very common in people who've had glandular fever). I hated university at this point and struggled to get out of bed or even socialise. I was exhausted - not only from the glandular fever - but also from the depression (I'm going to do a blog especially on this at some point). This depression grew into anxiety and then led me to really struggle at uni (a place where we were totally independent in working and everything). I had a little job on the side and I'd been going out with Chris for a wee while, so seemingly I had everything made. I let people believe this because it was so much easier to smile and get on with stuff.  But I was struggling a lot. So, after doing uni in third year for a couple of months I finally decided to leave uni. I prayed about it and asked God to make things easier for me if its what was planned. And God totally made things happen.

Moving home.

So, after deciding to leave uni I needed to figure out what I wanted to do. I knew I wanted to move closer to Chris, so I spent time thinking and praying about it. I chatted to friends - some girls who I had met the year before about my situation. They laughed as they told me they needed a new flatmate. They lived in the same city as Chris as they were as they were at uni there. So I moved in with them. And honestly, I can say I have been totally blessed by God. The three girls I live with love Jesus, love life and love doing exactly what Jesus wants us to do. Each of them individually emulate Christ in their own unique way and encourage me to do the same. They help me strive toward getting closer to God, ensuring my relationship with Chris is Christ-centred and fulfil my true potential. I couldn't ask for better girls to live with.

New job.

So one more part of the puzzle that needed to be sorted was getting a job. I needed a job that meant that I would be able to live comfortably. I applied for many jobs, including a couple of church admin jobs. I ended up getting a job working for a mental health charity, as a support worker. I found this job not only challenging but also incredibly humbling. After a while I began to realise that God was preparing me for his plan. I was slowly starting to realise that my heart was really for people who were on the edges of society, people who had been forgotten about. This burning in my heart has enabled me to realise that working in the care sector was something that ultimately God had wanted me to do. This job meant that I have began to understand what I am meant to do.

   

That's pretty much what's been going on for the past few months, now you're up to speed I hope you understand why it's been so quiet recently!

I promise I'll get better at doing this again and I'll get back into it. God is going to do incredible things & is already showing my some incredible things that He's already done. I know now that I am to get ready and go - not to wait about until something happens, but God will allow something to happen, but I in turn need to be prepared. So right now I'm preparing myself for the journey He has in store for me and I know that through Him (& only through Him) I will achieve great things. 

Where does blogging come into this?

So I truly believe that God has given me a gift of words. I love writing and reading. Journaling during my quiet time is the best way, I find, for me to really understand what God is saying. I also believe that due to this I have a platform to be brutally honest and vulnerable. I know sometimes it's difficult, when you're struggling to find someone who understands (or sometimes you don't want people to know), so I feel that God has given me this opportunity to write and hopefully support and encourage others who may need it. I also find this is a great way of proclaiming all the amazing things God has done for me. He is amazing and I love telling of his great works in me!

Thanks my friends, talk very soon!

'Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the rock of salvation.' PSALM 95:1

Blessings

May x

Stop just making it a youth movement

Now is the time, God is preparing a generation.

I remember hearing this time and time again as a teenager and in my youth group 'God is building up a generation'. I was excited, I was ready, I was keen...And then I hit twenty. I was no longer a teenager, I was no longer able to go to youth events, be invited to teen-oriented functions or change lives. I felt like I'd wasted my teenage life, I hadn't led thousands of people to faith, I'd hardly brought about a revival. If I was meant to be part of a generation that was going to change the world, maybe I'd just been missed out of this part, maybe I was just not good enough. I'd come to university and I was a young adult, I stopped going to a youth group and started helping out at one, I started being known as someone (and not just my parent's daughter), I'd started being asked to pay taxes - safe to say I'd become an adult. I felt like I'd missed out on this generation movement. God preparing a generation was just a youth thing, not a church thing.

But this is not just a youth movement, the generation doesn't just stop at the youth.

We as a church are a generation, it's not just for the gifted, the old, the young. It is for all of us as a body of Christ. We are all made to praise Jesus; 'Kings of the earth and all peoples; Princes and all judges of the earth; Both young men and virgins; Old men and children. Let them praise the name of the LORD, For His name alone is exalted; His glory is above earth and heaven.…' (Psalm 148 11-13). We all praise Jesus and we all live to serve Him. We shouldn't be stuck in the groups that we have put ourselves into. We shouldn't take away the value from others, we shouldn't limit ourselves to people we relate to better, we should break away from this being a '(fill in appropriate name) movement' and make it a church movement.

This is not just for the youth, this is not a youth movement.

We are part of a generation, all of us. We all are to make a difference to the nation we belong to. Together we create the army that God is creating, we need to stop being civilians and become soldiers. God is rising up the young. God is preparing the old. God is calling the under-qualified. God is preparing the way for the qualified. It doesn't stop. God is calling you. 

We need to break away from the bondage of what we believe, that we are not young enough, clever enough, good looking enough, good enough...we are the generation. Don't just encourage the youth, don't just believe it for the youth, we are a generation that God WILL and DOES use. WE ARE A REVIVAL GENERATION. 

Blessings
May
xx

Let the darkness tremble

So this blog comes in wake of the sad news of Robin Williams' passing. You would have seen the posts on various social networking sites marking the death of the amazing actor - clips of his great films, hilarious characters and famous one-liners. You would've also seen the reason for Robin Williams' death - depression. A dictionary definition for this word is; 'severe, typically prolonged feelings of despondency and dejection'. Depression isn't just a state of mind, it's a life sentence. We've been ignoring it for too long, depression isn't something people can just wait out, a mind set that if we take a long deep breath we can get over. It's a bondage over our life, heart and mind. We need to stop treating it at arms length, referring people to countless doctors and counsellors - brushing it off as someone being a bit sad or 'hormonal', we need to start treating like the illness it is and treat it with love. Depression, anxiety and worry all become part of people's lives, they live and breathe it. The only way I can fully describe it is like when you're trying to catch a breath and you just can't - for some reason you can't breathe, you can't fully inflate your lungs. It steals your life and every ounce of happiness you may have, it takes over everything you do, your intimacy with people, your work ethic, your way of life - everything. As Christians we have ignored it for too long. We have let the dark hand of depression, anxiety, panic, bipolar strangle the hearts of many. We turn our nose up at it - leaving it up to those who 'really know what they're doing'. We offer to drive people to see a counsellor or to have a chat - but we ignore the actual problem. The fact that this illness needs healing.
     I don't think I'm alone when I say I believe in a God that can heal. We have heard countless times of times God's shown up and removed tumours, healed broken legs and even risen people from the dead - so why do we ignore this? The illness of depression. Some people will turn away from reading this, for years the word 'depression' has been seen as a dirty word, a word Christians don't know or have never experienced because God offers love, peace and joy. Many Christians don't believe that people who love God can get depression - how could they? God's love is so amazing and when you trust in God, you feel His peace. This factor has left people who have depression or anxiety or any similar illness rejected by the church. Christians aren't meant to feel like this. Church's are keen on speaking on trusting in God gives you peace - but does this mean people who struggle with depression and anxiety are doing something wrong? We need to, as a church, a body of Christ, learn how to encourage those who need it, but not patronise. It's a very difficult balance to get, but once we get it - it makes a world of difference.
     Depression is on the rise - and as a lover of the father God I believe we can stand against it. We can pray and minister into people's lives, not treat them as if they are lesser than what they have been made to be. We need to take away the life sentence of depression - I want to live in a world where depression is just a memory. Anxiety shouldn't be something that stops people from doing things, you shouldn't have to label yourself as a bit of a 'worrier'. Christ is a healer and will heal. We should be able to breathe again. We need to be a family and not forget that we are a family, our brothers and sisters are crying out - those who suffer from depression or any mental illness are yearning for love from the church, love that is genuine - people who cry when they cry, who laugh when they pray and commit to praying in order for an ultimate healing. It has no right in this place, it has no right to take the lives of teenagers, of children, of mothers or fathers - it has no right here. Pray against it.
      I would also like to say at this point, you are not weak. It's tough hearing people at church talking of joy and love, especially when you're in a place in your life where you struggle even to get up in the morning, where you spend hours agonising over impossible situations in your head. YOU ARE NOT WEAK.  Stormy seas may sway you, but you will never be washed away. You need to know that the father of all, the king of kings loves you and delights in you. He simply can't get enough of you. He knew you before you were born, He has your life planned out. His heart breaks as He sees you go through this turmoil. Allow God in. I know it's so easy to say, but abandon yourself to God - allow Him into your heart. Surround yourself with Him - let the darkness tremble. Speak the name of Jesus into your life - the devil must flee when His name is spoken.

God is moving, God is shaping a generation - do not let things get in the way of this. Know freedom, know God's plan, do not listen to the lies of the devil. He loves to tell you how little you are worth, how weak you are, how you will never be out of this pit. BUT IN JESUS NAME, I believe in a freedom like no other. His cooling river of peace to wash over you. Pray until something happens, persist and don't give up - get rid of the safety blanket and allow Him to shake you up. Allow His love and goodness in. And know you are not alone.

Blessings.
May
x

What is church?

What is church? Genuinely, what's your answer to that question? Is it 'a building, with a steeple' or are you a little bit more theological then that and your answer is 'it's a fellowship of Christians, coming together to love and worship God' - which is it? I don't mean to patronise you, but both of these answers are shallow and in some ways completely wrong.

I've always been in the mentality that church is a Sunday thing, happening once a week where we all dress up, look our best and leave our worries at the door. We all smile and laugh - eating the chocolate bourbons, drinking the fair-trade coffee. We have the perfect looking families and have that fixed look of euphoria whenever we worship God, we can give a scripture perfectly at any given moment (although, I did this once and realised I'd quoted Night at the museum rather than the Bible) and share 'Christian jokes'. To be honest, this isn't always what we're feeling. I know there's times I've gone to church and gone through the motions. In my first year of university especially I was going through a really tough time with God, but I'd still go to church every Sunday and smile and put my hands up in the right places - but it would all be empty. I didn't want to admit to anyone that I was having a bad time of it. My idea of church was that I have to be happy, I have to be together and have it all sorted on a Sunday morning, nobody really wanted to know my crap. Is this what church is becoming?

As Christians we are so keen on spreading the good word - this is great - but we miss out key parts. God didn't come for the ones who have it all together.; 'I have not come to call the righteous but the sinners to repentance' Luke 5:32. So many Christians take this as 'well Christians aren't all perfect', yeah this is true - but this isn't wholly what Jesus meant. He meant basically that He came for everyone. He came for the cheaters, the liars, the murderers - as much as He came for the gossips and bullies. But, this is something we forget - something that we do not put as our forthcoming message. With the smiles and the sharp suits we give the impression that we have it all together. We need to stop this, we need to stop putting people off. Church needs to stop being a stage for Christians and start becoming a sanctuary for everyone. Church shouldn't be about the performance, but about the help. We need to establish the grounds in which people are coming to the church. It should become a place that is attractive, and not just a place full of 'weird Christians'. We need to make our main message that of one that will attract non-Christians - not ones that will put people off. Our main ideology (if you like), should be one of love. Ourselves we need to know that a church is a safe place, we don't have to put on pretences in order to please the man sitting next to you. Church shouldn't be just for the Christians.

On a Sunday, come just as you are - don't bottle it up, suit it and boot it. Come with a honest vulnerability and hunger for more of God - we get it, not everything is great all the time.

'Church shouldn't be a museum for saints, but a hospital for sinners'

Blessings
May
x

I see a near revival.

Hello, hello, hello!

So I've just returned from two weeks of utter madness - and in a good way! Week one I spent in Northern Ireland - working within the kids ministry at New Wine Ireland and week two I spent at Soul Survivor Scotland with my own church youth group. Talk about God turning up!

It's been crazy! I've been a Christian for eight years and been around Christians all my life - yet seeing God show up these past few weeks has been mental. God's working within the next generation and I am so excited to see it happen! (The use of exclamation marks shows my excitement...)

New Wine: So this is my second year of working at New Wine - I was a group leader this year and worked in a very loud (massive understatement), crazy, hyper group of kids. It took so much  energy - genuinely tired didn't even cover it. I'd been at a wedding the day before, so I was shattered and not really in the mood for loudness and kids running around. I believe God has a sense of humour. My kids just loved to run around, the first night (I was expecting shyness and meekness) I spent running after kids, shouting their names and calling on other leaders for help - was not expecting this! I ended the night absolutely exhausted and wondering why I was even here. That night I worshipped with some friends and prayed for my group (almost begrudgingly - I just wanted my bed!) The next day I was ready, pumped up and energized for the day - and what a day it was, another day of running misbehaving kids. I was really running out of patience. I began chatting to one of my kids and he told me that he wanted to give his life to Jesus - serious praises! I sat down with him and prayed, his mood altered and he changed. He still ran riot but he was loving and kind toward me. That night I gave it all to God again and went to sleep. Lets go to the Wednesday now, the mood had changed. Something had happened. During the talks the older kids were getting pictures and words (these are kids all around 10/11). They began openly praying for each other. It was amazing. Even in my own wee group my kids began listening and four more accepted Jesus into their lives. They began to follow Jesus that day and the change in them was crazy. They began to pray in the group and pray for healing. The ones who were too shy or stubborn to speak out were now praying for the kids at the front. One boy was healed (his younger brother was in my group), he promptly gave his life. This was a life-changing week. Parents came to me in tears, praising Jesus for what He had done in their children - it was unbelievable. God showed up.
   He's working with the young and rising up those who we may look on as too young to understand - but the change seen that week was incredible. Strong men and women of God were being created and made in that week, ministers, preachers, evangelists - I could give names to each of these. God was doing amazing things and is rising up a generation - watch this space.

Soul Survivor - Yes! Huge fan of Soul Survivor. Loved it in England, was looking forward to this one in Scotland. We went with our youth group of around thirteen and for the first time (in a long time) I was a youth leader - fully fledged. The first night was unreal and the enthusiasm was amazing. I was not expecting the kids in my youth group to be so involved by the first night - it was immense. The week went on and questions were asked, points were made and discussions were had. But at the main meetings the kids were incredible. Their pure love for God shone out and it was so exciting to see! On top of this the friendships shown within the youth group was amazing. When you see pure Godly friendships - you realise how wholesome and genuine they are. These kids loved each other and loved the Lord. I loved watching them interact with the word and with one another - it was amazing. Again, God showed up - and again He gave the group pictures and words - questions were asked surrounding the Holy Spirit and it was amazing to be able to work and journey with the kids as they discovered more of God. Not only that, but the overwhelming sense of God's love was so thick and tangible that I couldn't get enough. I got a complete peace and utter sense of trust in Him and it was amazing. God has began something here as well.

It's clear by everything that something is happening - God is on the move and He is rising up generations to prepare for what is going to happen. These kids are being equipped at young ages, to be teachers and warriors of Christ - how exciting is that!

I see a near revival. 

I enjoyed morphine too much

I used to try and get off going to school as much as I could as a child. I would always pretend I was sick to not go in, and to be honest it worked a lot of the time. I don't know when I started 'being ill' all the time, but I was a fast learner. I realised that being ill the morning of school wasn't enough. So I started really plotting, really committing to being ill. I'd start the night before (genius, I know), I'd time it perfectly - as soon as I knew my mum was coming through the door I'd lie pathetically on the sofa (or, for real illness perfection and real commitment, on my bed). My mum would come in and shout 'hi', a weak and feeble 'hello' greeted her back as I groaned in 'agony', (usually at this point I would've moaned about how ill I was to my sister, who was usually overly sympathetic - thank-you Grace (laying the foundations early on)). My mum would then come in and check on me. If I was downstairs, she'd make me go to bed, I would climb the stairs - slowly, heavy breathing all the time. I'd stay in my room for the evening, when dinner was called I'd pretend to be asleep (please note: before any of this took place I'd gage the situation - what dinner would be). If they came to check on me I'd close my eyes, facing the door (surely if I was faking it I wouldn't be so fearless as to face the door). I'd then go to sleep - waking the next morning, a little earlier than usual (very unlike me). I'd go downstairs, clutching my stomach and tell my mum and dad how unwell I felt..this usually was the clincher - my mum would look at my dad and my dad at my mum and they'd tell me to go back to bed - I was too ill for school. It took all the energy within me to not jump up and down with great joy. I'd go to bed smiling (luckily, due to early waking up I was able to go back to sleep - the signs of a true illness). On other days my mum would say the immortal words of; 'Go and have a shower and see how you feel'.  No words have disappointed me more.
       I was never really sick, I just couldn't be bothered with school. I'm not sure whether my parents knew that or not - or maybe acting is really my forte. But I never really had that much of an illness - I was really lucky. Last year however I got sick, nothing serious, it was glandular fever (most people gasp at that, but I can't help feeling it sounds wonderfully romantic and Victorian). I got it during the summer holiday from uni - a week before my sister's wedding. However, I wasn't diagnosed till about three weeks later. I'm pretty sure my parents thought I was faking it (all too used to my school days of 'being ill'), but I was genuinely really sick. I was hospitalised (sorry for how dramatic that sounds) a few days after my sister got married and kept in for a week - they didn't know what it was. I can't really remember much of being in hospital (except a nurse kept singing 'Rose garden' and I had some hilarious moments due to morphine). I then went to stay with a really kind and Godly lady from church - she looked after me and I was really grateful (and still am). I was told I'd have to probably defer second year at university and go home. I prayed hard for healing and my parents had people at their church praying too. I couldn't bear not going into second year. Guess what? Prayer worked. I was better (I still had a lot of pain in my liver, but was able to carry on university), I went into second year. I was properly ill, like bed-bound ill for around 7 weeks - glandular fever usually takes months to clear.  God had worked in me and healed me from the inside out.
     One of the most poignant times of my illness was when I was woken up with the sun burning down on me - I woke up, feeling quite woozy, but as the wooziness subsided I waited for the nauseating pain of the glandular fever to set it - it didn't come. I still had the dull ache in my liver, but I could live with that. I felt better. Later that day I phoned my parents telling them how much better I felt. They were stunned and told me that one of the men in church had prayed for the sun to shine on me and for me to be healed. Amen. How great is our God?! Throughout the time of my illness, and a little bit after I prayed and worshipped God - I spent hours waiting on Him and worshipping His name - at the time it was all I could do. He strengthened me in so many ways and appeared to me. He may not have healed me straight away but the work that He did in me has made a lasting difference. I now love God with all my heart, I've seen His miracles first hand and know how great He is. He may not have healed me, but He was doing something.

God may not heal straight away, but He has the power to do so. When we're waiting on God we learn so much. A part I failed to mention was how much I needed to see God at that point in my life. I'd had a dodgy year and had been away from God. God could've healed me straight away - that would've been great, but He worked in me when I needed Him to, I don't think I would've rested on God and waited on Him as much if I had returned to full health straight away. He strengthened me when I was weak. God works like that. He knows the best plan for us. He can heal, He is a healing God who lovingly restores what needs to be restored. At the time of my illness, my faith needed restoration more than my body did. In the end He healed me, but He made sure my faith was healed. Even if God doesn't heal you, He has the power to do so. Some great people have not been healed, they continue to pray, or, in some cases, have lost the battle - but their faith and belief in God has endured and His name is victorious. God does everything for a purpose.

'O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me' (Psalm 30:2)

Blessings.
May
x
   
   

Stop a moment

Just stop.

In a world full of movement it's very difficult to take a moment and just stop. We struggle to take time out for anything other than what we need to do, what we deem as important. Even when we seem not to be busy we still find it difficult to just stop. Smart phones and laptops hinder this in the same way, social networking has become so easy to do from pretty much anywhere, so even when we do think we're resting we still seem to find ourselves on Twitter or Facebook just waiting. The amount of times we must go on people's facebook just to stalk them (or to get annoyed by them in my case), is ridiculous (awkward now if I'm the only one who does it...). We are in a world that is ruled by technology and moving forward, we forget the small things, we forget just to be still.

'Be still, and know that I am God' (Psalm 46:10)

This is one of my favourite verses, it's poignant and hard hitting whilst it remains a simple message. Be still.
    I'm a full time student studying English (yes, it is a real degree..), I also have a part time job (I sell kilts) and serve in my church. It's not really that much, but that, on top of spending time with my friends, really does all add up. I find myself at the end of the week getting into bed and wondering where the week has gone. On occasion I realise I haven't prayed, again. It's not out of not wanting to, it's purely because I forget to put time aside to spend with God. I sometimes feel working in church is enough, I forget to take time with God and completely abandon myself to Him. This then becomes a problem. I love serving in my church, working with young people is incredible - I love seeing them grow and the rising up of a new generation, it's so exciting to see. I encourage them to read their Bible and pray, spending much needed time with God - even though I sometimes forget this myself. I try and input into their lives, but as I lack spending time with God, I subsequently lack in the quality of my input. I'm sure you're familiar with the phrase 'You reap what you sow', this does not just count in the way in which we treat people, it also means that what we sow into our life - what we invest in (take time with God) - shows in our lives and our teachings. Without being still and properly spending time with God we fall away from knowing Him, from getting properly close to Him. We can't expect to know someone we don't take time in knowing.
     I feel however the above verse isn't just about spending time in getting to know God, I think it's also just spending time with God - letting His abundant love wash over you. God loves you so much and wants nothing more than for you to spend time with Him; resting in His love. When was the last time you actually spent time in God's presence when you weren't praying for something? When you were totally and utterly overwhelmed by Him; when His love was tangible? I think we sometimes forget just how precious we are in Christ - you are His child and He more than delights in you, sometimes we need to refresh this in our minds, we need to remind ourselves of His unconditional love.  Get to know God's character, get to know His plans for you and remind yourself how much He delights in you. It's something we sometimes take for granted. We are taught as children that God is all loving, but as we grow up we forget this. When we are children we delight in prayer, in learning more of Him. How often do we still do that? We need to remember our childlike faith and come to God as His child. When we do this we find it easier to hear God - to rest in His grace and to read His word.
    It's easier said than done. You may read this, feel a bit convicted, pray tonight and then get busy again. You may not find the right sort of structure to help you. I know not everyone's way of spending quiet time is the same, I get that people have different ways of doing it (some people like set times, others don't mind it not being the same time every day). It doesn't matter how you do it - it doesn't make you more/less holy than the next person, people are just different. But here is my own personal way I master quiet time; (DISCLAIMER: quiet time does not have to be a big thing - you can also have quiet time on your way to work/school/university - this is just for the time when you need to be still).

*Put time aside. This isn't a chore - but make sure you are able to make time to get into God. Don't do it as a last minute thing. First thing in the morning is a great time, but this isn't completely necessary, whatever you feel best with*

1) Turn it off. This does not mean put everything on silent, it means turn it off, right off (I sound like a public awareness video). By doing this you have no temptation to look at your phone at all. Even better, put it in a different room.
2) Be alone. I truly believe that we all need time to rejuvenate on our own. As much as fellowship is great for our walk with God, also taking some time for just you and God is beneficial too. This way we are able to have an intimate time with Him.
3) Worship. One thing I find very helpful is the use of worship music whilst spending time just with God. The power of music and worshipping this way is incredible. One of the reasons most people burn out after a conference/festival is because they are not given the opportunity to have worship every morning/evening.
4) Write stuff down. This one really benefits me; I have a notebook (this is a great opportunity to raid Paperchase for their notebooks) and I write down my prayers and thoughts and what God has said to me. It works so well because I can look back on it and see how God has really worked in me - it reminds me of His promises and encourages me. It is also a great place to put the Bible verses that have stuck out for you.
5) Don't time it. Allow yourself to get lost in God, stop thinking about what your plans are. Take your rest in God (this is why it's best not to have time just before you're doing something). Quiet times don't have to last days, but make sure you aren't just doing it to tick it off your list.

     Put time aside to spend with God, don't make it a chore on your to-do list, delight in spending time with Him. Turn off your phone, disable your Facebook, just take time to be still and know that He is God. Rest in His presence a while. Remind yourself of all He has done for you, the miracles He has performed. He is God.

Blessings
May
x