The struggle is real. (Part 2) - So what can we do?

So, as we saw in the last blog I can totally ramble far too much, I promise you I will try not to do that for this one..

We can all suffer from poor mental health. It doesn't matter who you are, rich or poor, pastor or congregation, man or woman - mental illness is something that is very real and very prominent right now. So how, as the church can we make a difference?

• Don't act like Christians are immune from having poor mental health.

It's simple, as Christians we are not immune from having a mental illness. Yes, having Jesus does help - we know a God who is all loving, who is the all-seeing father and redeemer of all, but it doesn't mean that we are never going to suffer from poor mental health. Just like as Christians we are not immune from getting cancer - yes, we have Jesus so with that we have hope but that does not offer us complete immunity. The problem with mental health is that nobody can see it. It's so easy to put on a smile and crack a few jokes, but nobody can really see what's going on (it's also very difficult to explain, especially to people who may not understand). As Christians we need to accept that it's an illness therefore it needs the same attention any other illness would get. Once we begin to accept that everyone, including ourselves, can be affected by this we are able to work toward a more accepting place for sufferers to come to in order to find safety and sanctuary.

       In addition to this, we need to be totally honest. If you are in a position where you are able to talk about it, talk about mental health, then do so. Allow people to know that they aren't alone, as well as having Jesus, they have their brothers and sisters around them who know exactly how they feel. Once we begin to admit that we too can and have suffered from mental health but yet we have a hope - we may not be cured, we may not be able to cure you. But Jesus can heal and Jesus can give hope. 

• Allow people to know that a church is a place of safety and sanctuary.

As I mentioned, poor mental heath is an illness, so we need to make sure we treat it like that. If one of our brothers/sisters came into church after a cancer diagnosis they would be welcomed with open arms, tears of sympathy, hands on prayer and endless offers of lunch/coffee meet ups. We wouldn't just whisper about their condition, put them at the end of your prayer list and be done with it, so why should we do this with mental illness. We need to begin to treat church as a place that people come to when they're weary, when they need to be uplifted, a place where the mentally ill can come to feel accepted and loved. If you know if somebody is suffering, be it from having a bad day, a bad week, poor mental health etc. then take the time to pray with them, offer to take them out, ask them how things are going, cook for them, allow them to cry on you - be  there for them. (Also, a great thing to do is educate yourself! Try looking up information on mental health & the churches attitudes toward it (as well as what the Bible says about it)). If you put an effort into something like that, making an effort to get to know the illness they're suffering from then you can approach it with a knowledge - as well as getting the Biblical knowledge to back it up with too, it could honestly help change someone's life. To know that there are people who are willing to pray with you, not just tell you to pray, or put you on their prayer list is incredible. Jesus answers prayers and He has set us free, so why not proclaim that for the people who crave freedom the most.

• Don't hate on medication - it does work!

So many people stay away from medication, I did it (mainly for health reasons), but if the doctor is telling you to go on medication, then you probably should! Jesus does heal, but He also gave the doctors skills to be able to create the medication needed. He also can work through the doctors in the treatments you have offered to you (such as CBT etc.). It still can be totally Jesus, but just through different means than you think.

• Together, we can start ending the shame!!

No longer should we live in a world where we are ashamed to talk about mental health - but more than too eager to talk openly about sex. Lets get rid of the stigma from a Christian perspective. As a church we should be able to be the first place that ends the stigma, we should be the place where people go first - where they want to go to find freedom. We are Jesus' hands and feet and we are made to go to the dark places, we are being prepared for battle - this doesn't just mean a worldly battle that we  have to fight, but also in mental health. We can fight to change the way that we look at mental health as a group of people, as Jesus' disciples we can learn to be more accepting and loving of those who have been cast out. Open your arms, eyes, hearts and prayers to those most in need and understand just what is needed.

We as a church are to work together to end  the stigmatization of mental illness, to allow people to know and understand the true heart of Jesus and what it means to have hope and freedom. 

Blessings 

May

*Disclaimer: Just like to add, I 100% know God is a healing God, but I also know that He does it in His timing, so sometimes, when the timing doesn't make sense to us, we struggle to see it. God totally does heal mental illness and set the captive free, but we must work toward making the church a place for those who suffer most.

FREEDOM

Jesus answered: "I am the way and the truth and the life: no one comes to the Father but through Me." John 14:6

For years I had an alter-ego, this was someone who I would always blame for the things I did wrong, her name was Gemma. She would literally get the blame for everything - in my naive mind I thought this prevent me from getting into trouble, obviously this was not case, but this didn't stop me from blaming her. I never wanted to get into any sort of trouble, so of course I'd blame her. Ideally, Gemma would take all of my blame and be the reason why I did things wrong (of course, years later my parents haven't let me forget...) I always felt like so I didn't get the punishment, I wanted something else to take the blame. But my main problem was that Gemma didn't exist and I would always end up getting the punishment.
     BUT
How great is this - God has paid the way! When sin is concerned He has made a way to eternal life. Sin, shame, regret is pinned to the cross.

We know that - we're taught that from a young age pretty much. But only when we really study the above verse do we actually get some sort of insight to the incredible sacrifice Christ made - so that we may have a clear way to heaven and to God, the father. He took the blame and the suffering so that we may find freedom. It's pretty amazing, the deepest darkest parts of our lives - Christ took for His own. Not only does He give us freedom, but He offers us joy, love everlasting, peace, goodness - it goes on! He paid the price - He took the blame, He served the time. We don't need to have any other sacrifice to gain the glory of God. There is a new covenant made in Christ (this was at the last supper), we no longer need to live in a place where we feel a blockade between us and God, we no longer need to make a sacrifice like in the Old Testament (it was common to kill a lamb). Jesus is the lamb and has made the way to full life in Christ. Through Him all things are made new. When we are born again, when our way to God is made - we have a new identity - our identity in Him, all things gone. All blame, punishment, sin - gone. Our new life is our life. You don't remember anything before you were born do you? So when you were born again, Christ makes no list of your transgressions against Him. A way has been made to fullness in Christ. The way is Christ. He took our punishment, so that we may have life.

Blessings.
May
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We should all want to be ginger

I'm not a natural ginger, but for the short few years that I've rocked the red headed look I've experienced just a taster of anti-gingerness. People really have an issue with gingers - I don't really see where it's come from, but it's obvious. It doesn't conform with the blondes and brunettes of society, it's OTT and orange. Famous gingers are known mainly for their hair colour (however, for fancy dress this usually means us gingers are able to dress up in an old school uniform - donning a cape and witches hat and claim to be a Weasley). We are race in ourselves. We are admired by some (usually older women who tell you how nice your hair colour is - trying to convince you/themselves that it's okay), feared by many...but we are our own people. So what if we don't conform, we stand out and as we grow older and the carrot taunts fade into Indian sunset comments and we happily claim; GINGER AND PROUD! Not conforming is kind of cool.

        I know I'm not a natural red-head, but I love being ginger. I love how it does stand out (and hey, people think it's natural anyway). It's interesting and different. The idea of not conforming is something that has also stuck out to me recently. In the Bible it says; 'Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind' (Romans 12:2). This is a pretty simple message - do not become part of this world, in the way it goes about things. There are many things in the world that are desirable, we can go along with our friends or different ways people live their lives - that do seem attractive, but these things are part of the world and not part of God's plan. Conformity does not make us stand out - it makes us of the world, doing the things they do. The world sees no difference in the way we act to the way they act - how can they see God in you? We should all endeavour to let God shine out - for Him to be our main attraction, the light in our lives that others see.

       I've experienced what it's like to want to be part of the world - I'm not narrow minded and I am able to draw from my own experience. It seems great, we want to fit it, to conform. The idea of being 'a ginger' frightens us. We strive to fit it, to not seem weird (especially because people think Christians are weird anyway). We go the way of the world. But this doesn't work out - this is empty, this doesn't offer us a future. Our renewed mind in Christ should offer us that future, that promise. Be in the world, but not of the world. Basically, don't cut yourself off from people, putting yourselves into Christian bubbles, looking down on people, condemning them - but don't fall into the routine that they do. Both ways are harmful and won't help your spiritual growth or that of others. Conformity isn't the only problem - removing yourselves from people is to. You need to go into every situation with God and protection - but be a friend, not a judge

Don't conform to the crowd, stand out and be proud (I don't know why I'm now rhyming).

Blessings

May

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I enjoyed morphine too much

I used to try and get off going to school as much as I could as a child. I would always pretend I was sick to not go in, and to be honest it worked a lot of the time. I don't know when I started 'being ill' all the time, but I was a fast learner. I realised that being ill the morning of school wasn't enough. So I started really plotting, really committing to being ill. I'd start the night before (genius, I know), I'd time it perfectly - as soon as I knew my mum was coming through the door I'd lie pathetically on the sofa (or, for real illness perfection and real commitment, on my bed). My mum would come in and shout 'hi', a weak and feeble 'hello' greeted her back as I groaned in 'agony', (usually at this point I would've moaned about how ill I was to my sister, who was usually overly sympathetic - thank-you Grace (laying the foundations early on)). My mum would then come in and check on me. If I was downstairs, she'd make me go to bed, I would climb the stairs - slowly, heavy breathing all the time. I'd stay in my room for the evening, when dinner was called I'd pretend to be asleep (please note: before any of this took place I'd gage the situation - what dinner would be). If they came to check on me I'd close my eyes, facing the door (surely if I was faking it I wouldn't be so fearless as to face the door). I'd then go to sleep - waking the next morning, a little earlier than usual (very unlike me). I'd go downstairs, clutching my stomach and tell my mum and dad how unwell I felt..this usually was the clincher - my mum would look at my dad and my dad at my mum and they'd tell me to go back to bed - I was too ill for school. It took all the energy within me to not jump up and down with great joy. I'd go to bed smiling (luckily, due to early waking up I was able to go back to sleep - the signs of a true illness). On other days my mum would say the immortal words of; 'Go and have a shower and see how you feel'.  No words have disappointed me more.
       I was never really sick, I just couldn't be bothered with school. I'm not sure whether my parents knew that or not - or maybe acting is really my forte. But I never really had that much of an illness - I was really lucky. Last year however I got sick, nothing serious, it was glandular fever (most people gasp at that, but I can't help feeling it sounds wonderfully romantic and Victorian). I got it during the summer holiday from uni - a week before my sister's wedding. However, I wasn't diagnosed till about three weeks later. I'm pretty sure my parents thought I was faking it (all too used to my school days of 'being ill'), but I was genuinely really sick. I was hospitalised (sorry for how dramatic that sounds) a few days after my sister got married and kept in for a week - they didn't know what it was. I can't really remember much of being in hospital (except a nurse kept singing 'Rose garden' and I had some hilarious moments due to morphine). I then went to stay with a really kind and Godly lady from church - she looked after me and I was really grateful (and still am). I was told I'd have to probably defer second year at university and go home. I prayed hard for healing and my parents had people at their church praying too. I couldn't bear not going into second year. Guess what? Prayer worked. I was better (I still had a lot of pain in my liver, but was able to carry on university), I went into second year. I was properly ill, like bed-bound ill for around 7 weeks - glandular fever usually takes months to clear.  God had worked in me and healed me from the inside out.
     One of the most poignant times of my illness was when I was woken up with the sun burning down on me - I woke up, feeling quite woozy, but as the wooziness subsided I waited for the nauseating pain of the glandular fever to set it - it didn't come. I still had the dull ache in my liver, but I could live with that. I felt better. Later that day I phoned my parents telling them how much better I felt. They were stunned and told me that one of the men in church had prayed for the sun to shine on me and for me to be healed. Amen. How great is our God?! Throughout the time of my illness, and a little bit after I prayed and worshipped God - I spent hours waiting on Him and worshipping His name - at the time it was all I could do. He strengthened me in so many ways and appeared to me. He may not have healed me straight away but the work that He did in me has made a lasting difference. I now love God with all my heart, I've seen His miracles first hand and know how great He is. He may not have healed me, but He was doing something.

God may not heal straight away, but He has the power to do so. When we're waiting on God we learn so much. A part I failed to mention was how much I needed to see God at that point in my life. I'd had a dodgy year and had been away from God. God could've healed me straight away - that would've been great, but He worked in me when I needed Him to, I don't think I would've rested on God and waited on Him as much if I had returned to full health straight away. He strengthened me when I was weak. God works like that. He knows the best plan for us. He can heal, He is a healing God who lovingly restores what needs to be restored. At the time of my illness, my faith needed restoration more than my body did. In the end He healed me, but He made sure my faith was healed. Even if God doesn't heal you, He has the power to do so. Some great people have not been healed, they continue to pray, or, in some cases, have lost the battle - but their faith and belief in God has endured and His name is victorious. God does everything for a purpose.

'O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me' (Psalm 30:2)

Blessings.
May
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Stop a moment

Just stop.

In a world full of movement it's very difficult to take a moment and just stop. We struggle to take time out for anything other than what we need to do, what we deem as important. Even when we seem not to be busy we still find it difficult to just stop. Smart phones and laptops hinder this in the same way, social networking has become so easy to do from pretty much anywhere, so even when we do think we're resting we still seem to find ourselves on Twitter or Facebook just waiting. The amount of times we must go on people's facebook just to stalk them (or to get annoyed by them in my case), is ridiculous (awkward now if I'm the only one who does it...). We are in a world that is ruled by technology and moving forward, we forget the small things, we forget just to be still.

'Be still, and know that I am God' (Psalm 46:10)

This is one of my favourite verses, it's poignant and hard hitting whilst it remains a simple message. Be still.
    I'm a full time student studying English (yes, it is a real degree..), I also have a part time job (I sell kilts) and serve in my church. It's not really that much, but that, on top of spending time with my friends, really does all add up. I find myself at the end of the week getting into bed and wondering where the week has gone. On occasion I realise I haven't prayed, again. It's not out of not wanting to, it's purely because I forget to put time aside to spend with God. I sometimes feel working in church is enough, I forget to take time with God and completely abandon myself to Him. This then becomes a problem. I love serving in my church, working with young people is incredible - I love seeing them grow and the rising up of a new generation, it's so exciting to see. I encourage them to read their Bible and pray, spending much needed time with God - even though I sometimes forget this myself. I try and input into their lives, but as I lack spending time with God, I subsequently lack in the quality of my input. I'm sure you're familiar with the phrase 'You reap what you sow', this does not just count in the way in which we treat people, it also means that what we sow into our life - what we invest in (take time with God) - shows in our lives and our teachings. Without being still and properly spending time with God we fall away from knowing Him, from getting properly close to Him. We can't expect to know someone we don't take time in knowing.
     I feel however the above verse isn't just about spending time in getting to know God, I think it's also just spending time with God - letting His abundant love wash over you. God loves you so much and wants nothing more than for you to spend time with Him; resting in His love. When was the last time you actually spent time in God's presence when you weren't praying for something? When you were totally and utterly overwhelmed by Him; when His love was tangible? I think we sometimes forget just how precious we are in Christ - you are His child and He more than delights in you, sometimes we need to refresh this in our minds, we need to remind ourselves of His unconditional love.  Get to know God's character, get to know His plans for you and remind yourself how much He delights in you. It's something we sometimes take for granted. We are taught as children that God is all loving, but as we grow up we forget this. When we are children we delight in prayer, in learning more of Him. How often do we still do that? We need to remember our childlike faith and come to God as His child. When we do this we find it easier to hear God - to rest in His grace and to read His word.
    It's easier said than done. You may read this, feel a bit convicted, pray tonight and then get busy again. You may not find the right sort of structure to help you. I know not everyone's way of spending quiet time is the same, I get that people have different ways of doing it (some people like set times, others don't mind it not being the same time every day). It doesn't matter how you do it - it doesn't make you more/less holy than the next person, people are just different. But here is my own personal way I master quiet time; (DISCLAIMER: quiet time does not have to be a big thing - you can also have quiet time on your way to work/school/university - this is just for the time when you need to be still).

*Put time aside. This isn't a chore - but make sure you are able to make time to get into God. Don't do it as a last minute thing. First thing in the morning is a great time, but this isn't completely necessary, whatever you feel best with*

1) Turn it off. This does not mean put everything on silent, it means turn it off, right off (I sound like a public awareness video). By doing this you have no temptation to look at your phone at all. Even better, put it in a different room.
2) Be alone. I truly believe that we all need time to rejuvenate on our own. As much as fellowship is great for our walk with God, also taking some time for just you and God is beneficial too. This way we are able to have an intimate time with Him.
3) Worship. One thing I find very helpful is the use of worship music whilst spending time just with God. The power of music and worshipping this way is incredible. One of the reasons most people burn out after a conference/festival is because they are not given the opportunity to have worship every morning/evening.
4) Write stuff down. This one really benefits me; I have a notebook (this is a great opportunity to raid Paperchase for their notebooks) and I write down my prayers and thoughts and what God has said to me. It works so well because I can look back on it and see how God has really worked in me - it reminds me of His promises and encourages me. It is also a great place to put the Bible verses that have stuck out for you.
5) Don't time it. Allow yourself to get lost in God, stop thinking about what your plans are. Take your rest in God (this is why it's best not to have time just before you're doing something). Quiet times don't have to last days, but make sure you aren't just doing it to tick it off your list.

     Put time aside to spend with God, don't make it a chore on your to-do list, delight in spending time with Him. Turn off your phone, disable your Facebook, just take time to be still and know that He is God. Rest in His presence a while. Remind yourself of all He has done for you, the miracles He has performed. He is God.

Blessings
May
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I found love in a hopeless place

I used to love following my older siblings around, they clearly hated it. I was three years younger than my sister and just a year younger than my brother. I loved them to bits (& I still do) but I probably annoyed them no end. This one time our family went to Germany on holiday and we visited a lake. My brother decided it would be a good idea to wade out into the lake, I followed him promptly and as it got deeper I continued to follow him - I had committed and even though I was only about four and I couldn't swim I was going to follow Alexander. I don't really know what the plan was or the point of the voyage into the lake, but I didn't care. I was following Alexander, my big brother, I couldn't be happier. Then I slipped.
...
I obviously didn't die. I did however just lie there, excepting my fate...I don't really remember much of it except my dad running into the water and totally rescuing me. His big arms came around me and picked me up, saving me from drowning. I don't think I really cared at the time, I probably just ate sand or something on the shore part - I was too young to really think anything of it. My sister had screamed the whole time and my brother found the whole thing absolutely hilarious. But my father came and reached me out and rescued me. (There literally cannot be a bigger metaphor than that...)

The name of my blog 'Ruins to Glory' is very representative of my life - of my walk with Christ. Truly I was pulled out of the rubble of my life and put in God's light. He has saved me and given me a life - and life to the fullest. God reached into my life when I needed Him & not just when I became a Christian but throughout my life. I think back on the times where I struggled and was far from God - but I look back and I can notice now how God was there, in situations and parts of my life that seemed dark God was there. I am able to say that now God has truly been my saviour. He has the power to lift you out of any situations. We are able to live our life how we want, for God or not - He has given us free will to do so, but also loves us. When we need Him, when we call out to God He will show up. 

I know this video is about 45 years old but this video for me is one of the most emotional and in-depth explanations of Jesus' love. We see the girl at the start dancing with Jesus - this exciting new and beautiful feeling we have when we first give our lives, however she is then challenged with obstacles like boys, money, self-image and alcohol. We see her move away from God and be controlled by these things that are of the world. But as it all comes to a head she goes back to Jesus. However, she is torn apart by the things she is involved with - she becomes a ruin, but before it all gets too much Jesus steps in and protects he. She has lived a life of sin, yet He refuses to let her go. He saves His daughter from downing. God picks you up - He will never let you fall, He delights in you and is in love with you. Know His love and forgiveness and all He has to offer. God will be there in the anguish and the pain, when all seems lost - all you need to do it look for Him - He will fight for you.

Blessings.

May.

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I am going to write a blog, but first, let me take a selfie

Meeting someone new is always quite a scary prospect - we never really know how to act. I am forever envious of those people who can make a great first impression, that's not me. I think I have a problem sometimes with how much of an awkward first impression I make. I remember needing to meet my boyfriend's parents and how frightened I was - not because of them, but because I just can't cope socially. I also have a problem, a clammy hand problem. This is a problem that I hope affects other people - it's when your hands decide to clam up. Meeting anyone is then the biggest trial ever. Now I'm at an age where shaking hands with new people is a standard I dread it. I have been known to fist bump over shaking hands. I'm a twenty year old white girl, I've never made fist bumping look less cool. First impressions for me are the worst. But I'd like to think once you get to know me your impression will fit who I actually am. You'll begin to understand how much I detest shaking hands with people and laugh at my jokes, even when they're not funny (which is never...). But that's because you've taken the time to get to know me, my identity.

I've already spoken about identity on a basic level, but now I feel I should speak about God's identity and how we can get to know it. The most obvious answer is the Bible. Where else would we find stuff about God being God then in the book about Him. As once described to me; 'The Bible is God's selfie' all we need to know about Him and see about Him is in this book. His identity is shaped in these pages, we get to know the real Him as we delve deeper into His word. A lot of us, as children would've been given this image of God - being the omnipresent being who lives in the sky with a grey beard - his son Jesus sitting next to Him with a brown beard and a very fetching striped number. We have this aesthetic view of God because of artists impressions and our own imagination, but to be honest the Bible doesn't really offer any sort of profile of God, we don't know the colour of his eyes or His shoe size, but instead we do know His character. We can see all around us His creation and all He has done so we know the power that He has, but we can't just leave it at that. If we want to know more of an artist we gain understand through research and interest in them as a person, we can't just look at their work and know all about them - we gain some understanding, our interpretation of the person, but that's about it. If we want to know God, we need to look into it. 

    The Bible offers plenty of descriptions of God - from start to finish, we can see stories of Him and we are able to gain an understanding of just how great He is. There are of descriptions of Him; 'God is love' (John 4:8) as we read the Bible we can get to know God. But this is it, we can't just get to know Him by remembering Bible verses we learnt as children, or Bible verses we see on bumper stickers - we must take time and invest in the word of God. (This does not mean flip it open and read the first thing you find - I did that once, it spoke about the wrath of God, Old Testament style - flipping scary stuff) We must read it & again not in the style of a story book. The Bible is (and I'm pretty sure this is a Mike Myers quote); Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth (Cringe). If we want to know God, read about Him - read the book that has saved many people's lives, that people have died for, that people live by - it's the only real way we can understand Him. (Watching Bruce Almighty will never give us a real sense of who God is - sorry about that.)

    I can tell you how amazing God is, His great works, His plans and how He has changed my life - but you need to experience it for yourself, you need to read the truth for you to understand it. We will only have a shallow perception - the aesthetic perception of Him if we don't strive to know Him. It seems almost obvious - read your Bible. And here's another obvious one - prayer and fellowship. How on earth do we expect to get to know someone if we don't talk to them, if we don't put time aside for them? As I've mentioned before, I'm in a long distance relationship with a great man of God - He is incredible, he challenges, encourages and blesses me (just showing off now). I love him with all my heart, he is my best friend and I know him better than anyone (and he knows me!) However, I wouldn't know him at all if I hadn't taken the time to get to know him, to find out stuff about him, to meet people who are crazy about him to, to know the people he loves & to love the people he loves. I talk to him everyday (to the annoyance of everyone) and I get alongside people he knows and loves. I've met his family and I truly love them, I've got to know his friends and again, I've gotten to know them personally as friends. I have made an effort. This is how we should approach God and how we get to know God. Get alongside people who adore God - who want to know more and are striving for the same goal (this means getting to know Christians - being part of a church, or being alongside other Christians). Speak to God - praying to God is key to getting to know Him and His power. Without talking to Him you'll struggle to know anything. Communication is key in any relationship - so why not this one? Prayer and fellowship is vital to getting to know God's identity. Reading the Bible does wonders, but it isn't enough. We must get to know God on a personal level and be in a relationship with Him. Being a Christian isn't a religion, it's a faithful, loving, passionate relationship.

You don't know people when you first meet them, when you don't take the time to get to know them. God is the same, we can't settle for an aesthetic view of Him, created by artists hundreds of years ago. We must look to get to know Him more through His word, through praying and through fellowship. It's the only way in which we can truly know God - the ultimate, the beginning and the end. 

'I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end' (Revelation 22:13)

Blessings

May

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Sorry they didn't have your name

So one of the biggest challenges for me growing up was my name. Having a name like May was probably the worst thing for me. All my friends at school had good names, like Hannah or Megan - I was May. It's not even cool or hippy. There isn't even a back story to it - it's just May. It also rhymes with everything. It's unusual, yes, but this isn't great as a eight year old, desperately struggling to climb up the social ladder and own an Alice band that says my name on it...alas, I was only able to wear one that said 'princess' or 'angel' or some other pet name, nobody ever called me. It's also the name of a month, which meant I was chased round the play ground, people tunefully singing all the months of the year to me (it didn't help that there was someone in my class called April). Having my name sucked. On one occasion my grandmother had returned from a holiday with a little goody bag for us all - my sister Grace got one, my brother Alexander got one (both with their names printed in capitals)..I was handed a little wrapped up present...excitedly I unwrapped it, my hands were shaking as I turned the bag over (my head was filled with pride as I imagined my name being printed on this bag for the world to see. I'd take this bag everywhere with me (even though it was only large enough to fit a chewit in it) but it would have MY name on it.) as I looked down at the bag I read the following: 'A bag for; sorry they didn't have your name'. I have never been so disappointed in my life. Not only did they not have my name, but they had the audacity to tell me about it. Gutted doesn't even cover it. From that day on I've searched high and low for anything (other than a calender) with my name on it. (I really don't want to talk about the heartache when the named coca-cola bottles came out).

For years I hated my name, I hated how it shaped me. I would always have to say my names about six times for people not to think I said Meg (this still happens, please just listen to me). My name was my identity, it was something I was stuck with for life (even if I decided to change it, I'd always be born as May). My name isn't that great, I know that. But as I became a teenager my name wasn't the only part of my identity I struggled with. I began to struggle with who I was. I was also told that Christianity was the right way - I come from a great Christian family and I adore that they encouraged me in my faith, but also let me experience some of the world. I was baptised when I was twelve and I thought that was it, life would be easy now I was a Christian and all I needed to do was sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. Oh, how wrong I was. I grew up with a great group of friends (who I'll always love) but as we became teenagers we struggled with the standard teenage things. Image was one of these. I never really cared about image (this one time my sister's friend told her that he didn't realise she had two little brothers...he meant me and my brother), but I became more and more aware of how I looked as I grew up. I would compare myself to people and I began wearing make-up (big mistake). I would shape myself on how other people dressed or did their make up (at one point I would be caught with big black rings round my eyes, poker straight hair and a studded belt - hot). I strived to fit in and 'look good'. But this idea of looking good changes all the time. 'Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting" (Proverbs 31:30) The Bible tells us here that the beauty we have does go. I only have to look backwards through my photos how fashion changes and how much it does not matter what you wear or look like, because ultimately in a few years it'll all change anyway. (Beauty is like an iPhone, wait a few months and the idea of something else will totally trump this seasons model). We shouldn't be shaped by what is materialistic, because it goes away it doesn't last forever. Our identity shouldn't be designed by what looks good - it should have a deeper meaning.
    But what does this look like? How can we, as Christians shape our identity in order to be something Christlike? Well we have to understand, first of all that in shaping our lives we have to come to the word of God. We should know that we are made by Christ, lovingly and carefully; 'For you created my inmost being: you knit me together in my mother's womb' (Psalm 139:13). You are not an accident. We were made by the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, creator of the heavens and earth - that's a pretty big deal. Every attribute we have, has been designed by Christ. The more we understand and believe this, the better. If we know that actually God is our creator, the better and easier coming to terms with our identity becomes. We are not to be defined by what the world says is identity - make-up and fashion only goes so far. Our identity through Christ is deeper, he knew us before we were even born - he knows us intimately. It's easier said than done, I know that, I've lived that. Being a Christian in the 21st Century is hardly walk in the park. We are told how to act on a daily. But as I keep saying, it is nothing compared to what Christ has in store. I heard an analogy from a lady at a church weekend away which really helps; Think of it like this: When you have sea water, it looks like the real thing, but when you drink it, it doesn't quench your thirst...if anything it makes you more and more thirsty for the real thing. That's like the world's idea of identity - we can try and go into the world and be like as the world wants us to be and conforming, but this never will satisfy us. We will never be made whole by living in this way. We may never know true happiness in ourselves in this way. Through Christ, the real deal, may we know true and ultimate happiness. He can be the shaping of our identity, because He knows us the best, He has great plans for us and love us on an intimate uncontrollable level. He has dealt with our past, He is in our present and He knows our future.
     Another problem is the idea of sin. I know the struggle of being able to let go of the past - I am overwhelmed by guilt and shame when I think about my previous sin and sometimes it's uncontrollable. But the simple truth is your past should not define you. I don't know about you, but I can't help but look around at other Christians and see how 'amazing' they are and how they've got it altogether. I think about what I've done and think I'm the worst person in the world (even though, it's not even that bad). At one point in my life I was ruled by my past failures, I was scared to open up to people and I could never really let go of anything - I held onto things that didn't matter and became obsessed with asking for forgiveness again and again. This resulted in me having very bad anxiety (this is something I still occasionally struggle with). I was taken to see a doctor and I still couldn't deal with it. I became so obsessed that I struggled sleeping and would get sick. I'd feel bad if I had talked badly about somebody, or drank too much at a party that I began to shut off my feelings. My past was totally taking control, I was unable to shake it and therefore unable to grow. This wrecked me. I couldn't stand it. 'Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood' (Isaiah 54:4) Your past does not define you. You shouldn't live in guilt or tainted by what you have done. Our God is so incredible and merciful that He does not look at you in disgust or remember your past. That was dealt with at the cross. You will not be reminded by your sin or shaped by your mistakes - you will grow from them and live from them. Know true freedom and identity in Jesus Christ.

Although I've come to terms with my name, I still hate having to repeat it constantly and get the occasional month joke..(the other day I also got mistaken for a boy..wow, that one cut deep). But I know that my name is not my identity. God knows my name, that's all I need to care about. My past is not what defines me. I have been made through Christ and of Christ. My identity is Him. Remain in Him, invest in Him.

'I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit' (John 15:5)

Blessings.
May
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New blog!

I'm totally new to this blogging stuff - well not totally new, I've had a tumblr and I did have a blog at some point when I was a teenager...which didn't really go anywhere. But it's been on my heart a lot recently to begin a blog to maybe encourage others and also become close to God as I study His word and discover His plans for me.

I'm twenty years old and currently studying English at a University - I love writing. I have a real passion for it and I enjoy other people reading my stuff - especially when they like it! I've been a Christian for eight years now and I fall in love with God more and more everyday. It's such a cliché but I don't know where I'd be without him. That is one of the reasons my blog is called 'Ruins to Glory' I truly believe that God has pulled me out of the rubble of my previous life and brought me into a place of His glory and love. I'm not saying that I had some terrible life at the age of 12 - I was very fortunate to be brought up in a loving, Christian family who encouraged me and protected me in all they could, yet let me live life so I could experience things for myself. Through this I was able to gain a new understanding of the world. My parents forward thinking, liberal attitudes toward our upbringing meant that all of us 4 children were able to gain our own faith and also experience things that at the time we thought were great - but now realise that it's not the real deal!

I really hope my blogging will encourage, comfort, help and sometimes humour you! (I'm not 100% sure about the latter - I've recently discovered I'm not that funny).

Blessings.
May
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