The struggle is real (Part 1)- Let me explain..

*Disclaimer: This is a really jumbled up blog. I'm basically typing and publishing. I'm thinking about what I'm writing, but just putting it down as I'm thinking it - I don't really want to sugar coat it/make it make proper sense because I'm worried it'll not be what I actually want to write (does that even make sense?!) I promise the next blog will be clearer and more concise! Lots of love.

Mental illness seems to be talked about more now than ever before. I have briefly spoken about it in a previous blog, but it seems to be that it is becoming more and more of an issue. I think it's something like 1 in 4 people have a diagnosed mental illness. But 1 in 1 people have mental health. This statistic doesn't mean that you will never be affect, that only a certain amount of people will ever be affected by it. Mental illness affects us all, it should be talked about more. It is an illness, we shouldn't shy away from calling it that. We shouldn't fob it off as having an 'off day', or that it's our own fault or we aren't doing something right, we need to stop pretending that you'll be all okay when you're 100% on fire for God, because in reality hearing those things suck. People constantly telling you to just 'pray about it' (and that being the only piece of advice) doesn't help. Sometimes 'just praying about it' isn't as easy as you think, it's a struggle to focus at the best of times, but when your mental health is bad it's made all the more difficult. As a Christian being able to admit that I struggle with my mental health is something that I have feared for almost three years. It seems crazy that in a world where we can talk about pretty much anything we still want to hide away from speaking about something that we all, at one point in our life, be it directly or not, will be affected by.
    In my life I have worked closely with people who suffer from mental health conditions, from severe and debilitating bipolar to general anxiety disorder (GAD), I have seen a wide range of different mental health problems that are really having an affect on the people who suffer from them. Not only are they tormented by a constant drowning sensation, but they are also cast out by society. Mental illness still has a bad name, a stigma that we relate to the asylums that we see on history programmes, but how are we to break away from that? How can we, as Christians, offer people who suffer from a mental illness - no matter how severe a place to know that they are safe? A place of sanctuary and hope that people constantly crave.
    I am more than aware of how difficult it is to understand mental health, through working at it on a professional level/volunteering at my church with young adults as well as suffering with anxiety/depression myself. It's not an easy thing to admit (even as I am writing this I'm questioning whether or not to publish it). Depression isn't how it looks like on TV, it isn't all about crying and emotional breakdowns (that can totally happen), but it's also about the huge lack of motivation. Imagine waking up every morning, still exhausted, not even wanting to talk to the people you live with through no fault of their own. Imagine catching your reflection in the mirror and honestly loathing everything about it. Imagine not even bothering to eat because you don't see the point in it. That's only half of what depression can be like, it's an endless void that controls every part of your life. Then, in addition to that imagine not being able to sleep due to being so worried about the next day or reliving a conversation that you had where you may or may not have said something wrong. Imagine being slightly ill, and imagining its something far worse (& then googling the symptoms which makes things ten times worse).  Again, this is exhausting and requires a lot of thought, which needs motivation, so having anxiety and depression combined is probably one of the most exhausting experiences I've ever had. I sometimes struggle to be able to just pray about it, especially if I am feeling very anxious. I struggle to put my mind on something that means I have to just let go - sometimes, as stupid as it sounds - I don't want to. I am in the comfort of my anxiety, like a weird safety blanket. (Oh, and by the way - I am more than well aware that my mental health improves when I'm praying to when I'm not praying, but no way does it disappear. Also, prayer definitely does help!)
     I don't think the above description will give mental health problems any justice - honestly, it's binding. I struggle with it on quite a mild level really, I can still cope. I don't take tablets for it (it has been offered & I have in the past but due to the effect it had on my body I decided to not take them anymore). Mental illness is destructive, it craves to destroy the people it has hold of, therefore in a world that is so ashamed of mental health we should be a place, a people who have our arms open to the people poor mental health really affects. I feel we need to  become the place where we don't just tell people to pray about it and they'll be healed instantly, or the reason for the poor mental health is a lack of joy...we need to be a place where mental health is accepted and a place where people know to go to find freedom that only Jesus can offer.

This is only part one of a few/couple (of) posts. I will be writing more as I pray into this particular subject. This part was more of a testimony/ramble! So sorry if it was a bit rambly and muddled up in a few places - I was just typing as I thought it out!

Blessings
May

Put on your walking boots

We need to get ready, the walk of faith isn't easy. There will be struggles and pain, but there will also be joyous thanksgiving. But we have to do God's journey to seek out what God wants for us. It may take time, the timing may not be our idea of perfection but know that it is God's perfect timing. There will be many points along the path in order for us to know God on an intimate level and know His plan for our lives.

1)Obedience. One of the most obvious, yet most difficult tasks. We have all (or will all) stop being obedient at some point in our life. We may do it in such a way that we lose complete focus on God or we may just decide not to obey God in the small things. 

    When I was about eighteen (and a bit before) I stopped being obedient. I didn't stop believing in God or not love Him but I decided that I didn't want to be obedient to Him anymore. It took a huge toll on my faith as you can imagine, but in the timing of it I didn't care. It's only now that I can see where disobedience came in and my God fuelled life took a step back. This lack of obedience didn't mean that God loved me any less, He didn't stop and He never will ('For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither Angels nor demons, neither the present or the future, nor any powers, neither height not depth, not anything else in all of creation, will be able to seperate us for the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord' Romans 8:38-39)

Nothing can seperate us from the love of God. But when you are obedient to Him and His word you are able to grow deeper in him, you are able to know your worth and walk in the direction of knowing His plan for your life. I'm not saying that we only stray from obedience once and it's easy to come back into knowing that obedience is the best way forward, disobedience is easy, but damaging. Obedience will help us walk the path that Christ has laid out for us and allow us know true freedom, something that the world and disobedience cannot and will not offer us.

2) Sacrifice. When we look at our brothers and sisters in the Bible we see sacrifice all over the place. One amazing example is that of Abraham's sacrifice of his son. He knew that God wanted this from him the death of his beloved son. So in his obedience he took his son, Isaac (that he had waited so long for) and was willing to sacrifice him. But just at the right moment God stopped him (He is the God of perfect timing). Abraham wasn't to kill his son but a lamb that God supplied for him (sound familiar?). Abraham was willing to make that sacrifice, in his obedience and trusting of God.

    Sometimes we are to sacrifice more than we want. It might be money, time or material possessions (things we really want to hold of). But do we not know that what we sacrifice God will give us immeasurably more! When we sacrifice things to God (& things that really are a sacrifice) we are truly honoured and blessed. He will never give us more than we can handle, even if we think our sacrifice is way out of our league He will provide.

3) Warfare. Spiritual warfare is probably one of the most difficult parts of our walk with Christ. But it is a part of it. We know there is going to be a battle, but where we base our faith is important. We are on the winning side. ('Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's!'  2 Chronicles 20:15). The battle does belong to the Lord, but we are a soldier. With God, where the impossible is made possible how can we fall against a lesser army? When we dress ourself in the armour of the Lord we are winning the battle. With the blood of the lamb & the word of our testimony we can win this battle. It has already been won (spoiler alert: Christ ALWAYS wins). Know that warfare will come, it's not easy, but when we adorn ourselves with the armour of the Lord we are on the way to winning. Be aware and vigilant, the easiest prey for Satan is the weak who do not know it's going on until it becomes overpowering. From Abraham to Matthew spiritual warfare affects those closest to Jesus as well as those who feel distant. We are the winners.

    In Revelation it talks how for a moment Satan will seemingly champion over the saints, but only for a moment. Because a time is coming soon when Christ will come again and reclaim the world from the claws of Satan. Victory is coming!

4)Testing. On our walk of faith we will have many times when God tests our faith. We will struggle to maybe see God in things when the tests get tough, but as I've said before He will not give you more than you can handle. Your test will become your testimony. We struggle and muddle through the rubbish in life, but the strength and power we gain during this time will help us grow and become exactly what God wants us to be.

     One of the biggest tests of God is the timing of things. We struggle to trust in God when things don't happen straight away, that is when we fall. When things seem hazy for a while we struggle to continue to be obedient, we don't want to sacrifice, we can't face the warfare. But know now, God's timing is ideal (look at Abraham and just at the second when he was about to strike his son God stopped him). He knows the plan for your life and He knows when and where things should happen. This test may be the hardest, but once we understand it, we can begin to live in a freedom of knowing that our father knows best. (Disclaimer: it is easier said than done).

5)Confession. When we withold things from God we struggle to get intimacy with Him. Now God is aware of what we do and when we struggle to tell Him things and confess our sins, but the confession is where it's important.

    When you keep something in, it becomes uncomfortable. If it's bad stuff you get iller and iller until you decide you need help (in a physical sense, till you know you need to see a doctor). Keeping it in will not help you, it will hold you back. You won't get better by not seeking help or letting it out that's the only way to feel well again. On a spiritual level when we keep things in, hide things from God we are stopping ourself from knowing freedom. We may be able to still be spiritual but not in the way He intended and not to fulfil the things that He wants us to. We will get stuck on the path as we can't get the freedom and intimacy we need. Do not withold from God. He is a loving forgiving God and as I have mentioned before (but it's always great to be reminded) there is nothing that can seperate us from His love and forgiveness.

6)Look forward. Christ has a plan for each and everyone of us. It's a lot easier to say believe me, but He does. His plans our made for us. Think of the promises that have already been fulfilled - look at the Bible, the promise of a messiah, the promise of Abraham's descendants being starters of the tribes of Israel. We need to know and remind ourself of God's endless promises and goodness. When we take all of the steps of the walk of faith we do we are able to see how God is going to use and bless us. We are to do great things through Christ. Look to the stars and where they are going. Keep looking for those amazing awe-inspiring moments that Christ will do in your life. When we look at the stars we see His promises and the fulfilment that He has already done. A Christ-centered, forward looking life allows us to become all He wants us to be.

Be prepared for the walk, it won't be easy and we will struggle. But Christ is victorious and so are we!

Blessings

May

xx