*Disclaimer: This is a really jumbled up blog. I'm basically typing and publishing. I'm thinking about what I'm writing, but just putting it down as I'm thinking it - I don't really want to sugar coat it/make it make proper sense because I'm worried it'll not be what I actually want to write (does that even make sense?!) I promise the next blog will be clearer and more concise! Lots of love.
Mental illness seems to be talked about more now than ever before. I have briefly spoken about it in a previous blog, but it seems to be that it is becoming more and more of an issue. I think it's something like 1 in 4 people have a diagnosed mental illness. But 1 in 1 people have mental health. This statistic doesn't mean that you will never be affect, that only a certain amount of people will ever be affected by it. Mental illness affects us all, it should be talked about more. It is an illness, we shouldn't shy away from calling it that. We shouldn't fob it off as having an 'off day', or that it's our own fault or we aren't doing something right, we need to stop pretending that you'll be all okay when you're 100% on fire for God, because in reality hearing those things suck. People constantly telling you to just 'pray about it' (and that being the only piece of advice) doesn't help. Sometimes 'just praying about it' isn't as easy as you think, it's a struggle to focus at the best of times, but when your mental health is bad it's made all the more difficult. As a Christian being able to admit that I struggle with my mental health is something that I have feared for almost three years. It seems crazy that in a world where we can talk about pretty much anything we still want to hide away from speaking about something that we all, at one point in our life, be it directly or not, will be affected by.
In my life I have worked closely with people who suffer from mental health conditions, from severe and debilitating bipolar to general anxiety disorder (GAD), I have seen a wide range of different mental health problems that are really having an affect on the people who suffer from them. Not only are they tormented by a constant drowning sensation, but they are also cast out by society. Mental illness still has a bad name, a stigma that we relate to the asylums that we see on history programmes, but how are we to break away from that? How can we, as Christians, offer people who suffer from a mental illness - no matter how severe a place to know that they are safe? A place of sanctuary and hope that people constantly crave.
I am more than aware of how difficult it is to understand mental health, through working at it on a professional level/volunteering at my church with young adults as well as suffering with anxiety/depression myself. It's not an easy thing to admit (even as I am writing this I'm questioning whether or not to publish it). Depression isn't how it looks like on TV, it isn't all about crying and emotional breakdowns (that can totally happen), but it's also about the huge lack of motivation. Imagine waking up every morning, still exhausted, not even wanting to talk to the people you live with through no fault of their own. Imagine catching your reflection in the mirror and honestly loathing everything about it. Imagine not even bothering to eat because you don't see the point in it. That's only half of what depression can be like, it's an endless void that controls every part of your life. Then, in addition to that imagine not being able to sleep due to being so worried about the next day or reliving a conversation that you had where you may or may not have said something wrong. Imagine being slightly ill, and imagining its something far worse (& then googling the symptoms which makes things ten times worse). Again, this is exhausting and requires a lot of thought, which needs motivation, so having anxiety and depression combined is probably one of the most exhausting experiences I've ever had. I sometimes struggle to be able to just pray about it, especially if I am feeling very anxious. I struggle to put my mind on something that means I have to just let go - sometimes, as stupid as it sounds - I don't want to. I am in the comfort of my anxiety, like a weird safety blanket. (Oh, and by the way - I am more than well aware that my mental health improves when I'm praying to when I'm not praying, but no way does it disappear. Also, prayer definitely does help!)
I don't think the above description will give mental health problems any justice - honestly, it's binding. I struggle with it on quite a mild level really, I can still cope. I don't take tablets for it (it has been offered & I have in the past but due to the effect it had on my body I decided to not take them anymore). Mental illness is destructive, it craves to destroy the people it has hold of, therefore in a world that is so ashamed of mental health we should be a place, a people who have our arms open to the people poor mental health really affects. I feel we need to become the place where we don't just tell people to pray about it and they'll be healed instantly, or the reason for the poor mental health is a lack of joy...we need to be a place where mental health is accepted and a place where people know to go to find freedom that only Jesus can offer.
This is only part one of a few/couple (of) posts. I will be writing more as I pray into this particular subject. This part was more of a testimony/ramble! So sorry if it was a bit rambly and muddled up in a few places - I was just typing as I thought it out!
Blessings
May
Mental illness seems to be talked about more now than ever before. I have briefly spoken about it in a previous blog, but it seems to be that it is becoming more and more of an issue. I think it's something like 1 in 4 people have a diagnosed mental illness. But 1 in 1 people have mental health. This statistic doesn't mean that you will never be affect, that only a certain amount of people will ever be affected by it. Mental illness affects us all, it should be talked about more. It is an illness, we shouldn't shy away from calling it that. We shouldn't fob it off as having an 'off day', or that it's our own fault or we aren't doing something right, we need to stop pretending that you'll be all okay when you're 100% on fire for God, because in reality hearing those things suck. People constantly telling you to just 'pray about it' (and that being the only piece of advice) doesn't help. Sometimes 'just praying about it' isn't as easy as you think, it's a struggle to focus at the best of times, but when your mental health is bad it's made all the more difficult. As a Christian being able to admit that I struggle with my mental health is something that I have feared for almost three years. It seems crazy that in a world where we can talk about pretty much anything we still want to hide away from speaking about something that we all, at one point in our life, be it directly or not, will be affected by.
In my life I have worked closely with people who suffer from mental health conditions, from severe and debilitating bipolar to general anxiety disorder (GAD), I have seen a wide range of different mental health problems that are really having an affect on the people who suffer from them. Not only are they tormented by a constant drowning sensation, but they are also cast out by society. Mental illness still has a bad name, a stigma that we relate to the asylums that we see on history programmes, but how are we to break away from that? How can we, as Christians, offer people who suffer from a mental illness - no matter how severe a place to know that they are safe? A place of sanctuary and hope that people constantly crave.
I am more than aware of how difficult it is to understand mental health, through working at it on a professional level/volunteering at my church with young adults as well as suffering with anxiety/depression myself. It's not an easy thing to admit (even as I am writing this I'm questioning whether or not to publish it). Depression isn't how it looks like on TV, it isn't all about crying and emotional breakdowns (that can totally happen), but it's also about the huge lack of motivation. Imagine waking up every morning, still exhausted, not even wanting to talk to the people you live with through no fault of their own. Imagine catching your reflection in the mirror and honestly loathing everything about it. Imagine not even bothering to eat because you don't see the point in it. That's only half of what depression can be like, it's an endless void that controls every part of your life. Then, in addition to that imagine not being able to sleep due to being so worried about the next day or reliving a conversation that you had where you may or may not have said something wrong. Imagine being slightly ill, and imagining its something far worse (& then googling the symptoms which makes things ten times worse). Again, this is exhausting and requires a lot of thought, which needs motivation, so having anxiety and depression combined is probably one of the most exhausting experiences I've ever had. I sometimes struggle to be able to just pray about it, especially if I am feeling very anxious. I struggle to put my mind on something that means I have to just let go - sometimes, as stupid as it sounds - I don't want to. I am in the comfort of my anxiety, like a weird safety blanket. (Oh, and by the way - I am more than well aware that my mental health improves when I'm praying to when I'm not praying, but no way does it disappear. Also, prayer definitely does help!)
I don't think the above description will give mental health problems any justice - honestly, it's binding. I struggle with it on quite a mild level really, I can still cope. I don't take tablets for it (it has been offered & I have in the past but due to the effect it had on my body I decided to not take them anymore). Mental illness is destructive, it craves to destroy the people it has hold of, therefore in a world that is so ashamed of mental health we should be a place, a people who have our arms open to the people poor mental health really affects. I feel we need to become the place where we don't just tell people to pray about it and they'll be healed instantly, or the reason for the poor mental health is a lack of joy...we need to be a place where mental health is accepted and a place where people know to go to find freedom that only Jesus can offer.
This is only part one of a few/couple (of) posts. I will be writing more as I pray into this particular subject. This part was more of a testimony/ramble! So sorry if it was a bit rambly and muddled up in a few places - I was just typing as I thought it out!
Blessings
May
