Hello blogger, my old friend

Hello friends, it's been a while.

Two very big things have happened to me in the past few months. I shall start with the most recent; I got engaged! 💍💍💍 Yes, I am super super excited and I could dedicate a whole post to it but that can be for another time/if people actually care about it (I really don't want to bombard people with all that stuff - especially because as Christians we seem obsessed with people getting married (I mean the amount of questions and worrying looks I've been getting in the last year because I'm 22, in a committed relationship and not married - I mean oh my goodness)). [DISCLAIMER: Marriage is going to be amazing and God-filled and something I believe, for me, God wants. But it is not for everyone. Fellowship is for everyone, marriage doesn't have to be.]

The other thing is incredible, something that I don't think I would ever really be able to talk about this (which makes me sound like a really class Christian), but I have been set free, set free from a life of anxiety and worry.

The last time I blogged I spoke a lot about mental health and the church, this is something that is very dear to me. For over five years I have suferred from severe anxiety. Back then, when I was 16 I would worry about what people would think of me, exams and boys.  When I got to university it became worse (this time I was dealing with guilt - especially if I wasnt focused in God at that particular time of my life), but still I would worry about exams and what people would think of me. Now, since leaving university my anxiety has become focused on my health and focusing/obsessing of things Ive done in the past. I would constantly go up for prayer at church or events in order to be healed from this. But nothing would happen (I would have to do that super awkward smile when someone eagerly waits for you to say you feel great, but you don't).  So, I know what it's like to feel almost as if nothing is working and like you're abandoned.
    So safe to stay after over five years of struggling with anxiety I almost had given up. I've read loads of blog posts, bought books, listened to sermons and still it wasnt stopping. In fact it felt as if my anxiety had gotten worse. I would have days when I wouldn't be able to get out of bed, or I would have to leave rooms if my anxiety had gotten so bad. I found it very difficult to look to God, I couldn't pray as my mind wouldn't focus because anytime I tried to empty my mind I would worry and obsess and remember that really stupid thing I did six months ago and wonder why that man was looking at me so strangely on the bus and OH MY GOODNESS WHAT IS THAT LUMP...Yeah safe to say, I was NOT in a good place.
        It was at this point I decided to go home, I didn't go for any reason, just wanted some free food for a bit. As a family we went to a church event. It was a pretty good service (I mean, they had a buffet at the end - and like I said, I'm about the free food). I cant remember exactly what the sermon was about (how bad is that), but at the end they did a call for prayer. Again, it wasn't anything specific and most people were worshipping/starting the queue for the buffet, but I decided to go up for prayer. Two ladies prayed for me and I didnt really feel any different, just really calm. As I left the event I wasn't anxious or worried (which was huge because right up to this I had felt dreadful). i was able to laugh and actually, strangely, breathe properly (so cliche - but so true).  The anxiety I had been overwhelmedmwith for years had gone. I was free.

From then till now I have had this amazing sense of freedom and peace. It is incredible. It also has come at the perfect time. I have learnt to trust in God and His timing. Knowing His word does stand firm and does stand against my circumstance.

I know how frustrating it is to feel alone, to feel as if prayer isnt working. Anxiety is a lonely place. The ability anxiety has to cut you off from the rest of the world is astounding, the ability it has to make you sound stupid, constantly repeating yourself, worrying about little things...I get it. Through Christ, through prayer and through His timing I am free.

Just a wee testimony to say i am back and will be trying to blog more, sorry ive been rubbish!

blessings xx

The struggle is real. (Part 2) - So what can we do?

So, as we saw in the last blog I can totally ramble far too much, I promise you I will try not to do that for this one..

We can all suffer from poor mental health. It doesn't matter who you are, rich or poor, pastor or congregation, man or woman - mental illness is something that is very real and very prominent right now. So how, as the church can we make a difference?

• Don't act like Christians are immune from having poor mental health.

It's simple, as Christians we are not immune from having a mental illness. Yes, having Jesus does help - we know a God who is all loving, who is the all-seeing father and redeemer of all, but it doesn't mean that we are never going to suffer from poor mental health. Just like as Christians we are not immune from getting cancer - yes, we have Jesus so with that we have hope but that does not offer us complete immunity. The problem with mental health is that nobody can see it. It's so easy to put on a smile and crack a few jokes, but nobody can really see what's going on (it's also very difficult to explain, especially to people who may not understand). As Christians we need to accept that it's an illness therefore it needs the same attention any other illness would get. Once we begin to accept that everyone, including ourselves, can be affected by this we are able to work toward a more accepting place for sufferers to come to in order to find safety and sanctuary.

       In addition to this, we need to be totally honest. If you are in a position where you are able to talk about it, talk about mental health, then do so. Allow people to know that they aren't alone, as well as having Jesus, they have their brothers and sisters around them who know exactly how they feel. Once we begin to admit that we too can and have suffered from mental health but yet we have a hope - we may not be cured, we may not be able to cure you. But Jesus can heal and Jesus can give hope. 

• Allow people to know that a church is a place of safety and sanctuary.

As I mentioned, poor mental heath is an illness, so we need to make sure we treat it like that. If one of our brothers/sisters came into church after a cancer diagnosis they would be welcomed with open arms, tears of sympathy, hands on prayer and endless offers of lunch/coffee meet ups. We wouldn't just whisper about their condition, put them at the end of your prayer list and be done with it, so why should we do this with mental illness. We need to begin to treat church as a place that people come to when they're weary, when they need to be uplifted, a place where the mentally ill can come to feel accepted and loved. If you know if somebody is suffering, be it from having a bad day, a bad week, poor mental health etc. then take the time to pray with them, offer to take them out, ask them how things are going, cook for them, allow them to cry on you - be  there for them. (Also, a great thing to do is educate yourself! Try looking up information on mental health & the churches attitudes toward it (as well as what the Bible says about it)). If you put an effort into something like that, making an effort to get to know the illness they're suffering from then you can approach it with a knowledge - as well as getting the Biblical knowledge to back it up with too, it could honestly help change someone's life. To know that there are people who are willing to pray with you, not just tell you to pray, or put you on their prayer list is incredible. Jesus answers prayers and He has set us free, so why not proclaim that for the people who crave freedom the most.

• Don't hate on medication - it does work!

So many people stay away from medication, I did it (mainly for health reasons), but if the doctor is telling you to go on medication, then you probably should! Jesus does heal, but He also gave the doctors skills to be able to create the medication needed. He also can work through the doctors in the treatments you have offered to you (such as CBT etc.). It still can be totally Jesus, but just through different means than you think.

• Together, we can start ending the shame!!

No longer should we live in a world where we are ashamed to talk about mental health - but more than too eager to talk openly about sex. Lets get rid of the stigma from a Christian perspective. As a church we should be able to be the first place that ends the stigma, we should be the place where people go first - where they want to go to find freedom. We are Jesus' hands and feet and we are made to go to the dark places, we are being prepared for battle - this doesn't just mean a worldly battle that we  have to fight, but also in mental health. We can fight to change the way that we look at mental health as a group of people, as Jesus' disciples we can learn to be more accepting and loving of those who have been cast out. Open your arms, eyes, hearts and prayers to those most in need and understand just what is needed.

We as a church are to work together to end  the stigmatization of mental illness, to allow people to know and understand the true heart of Jesus and what it means to have hope and freedom. 

Blessings 

May

*Disclaimer: Just like to add, I 100% know God is a healing God, but I also know that He does it in His timing, so sometimes, when the timing doesn't make sense to us, we struggle to see it. God totally does heal mental illness and set the captive free, but we must work toward making the church a place for those who suffer most.

The struggle is real (Part 1)- Let me explain..

*Disclaimer: This is a really jumbled up blog. I'm basically typing and publishing. I'm thinking about what I'm writing, but just putting it down as I'm thinking it - I don't really want to sugar coat it/make it make proper sense because I'm worried it'll not be what I actually want to write (does that even make sense?!) I promise the next blog will be clearer and more concise! Lots of love.

Mental illness seems to be talked about more now than ever before. I have briefly spoken about it in a previous blog, but it seems to be that it is becoming more and more of an issue. I think it's something like 1 in 4 people have a diagnosed mental illness. But 1 in 1 people have mental health. This statistic doesn't mean that you will never be affect, that only a certain amount of people will ever be affected by it. Mental illness affects us all, it should be talked about more. It is an illness, we shouldn't shy away from calling it that. We shouldn't fob it off as having an 'off day', or that it's our own fault or we aren't doing something right, we need to stop pretending that you'll be all okay when you're 100% on fire for God, because in reality hearing those things suck. People constantly telling you to just 'pray about it' (and that being the only piece of advice) doesn't help. Sometimes 'just praying about it' isn't as easy as you think, it's a struggle to focus at the best of times, but when your mental health is bad it's made all the more difficult. As a Christian being able to admit that I struggle with my mental health is something that I have feared for almost three years. It seems crazy that in a world where we can talk about pretty much anything we still want to hide away from speaking about something that we all, at one point in our life, be it directly or not, will be affected by.
    In my life I have worked closely with people who suffer from mental health conditions, from severe and debilitating bipolar to general anxiety disorder (GAD), I have seen a wide range of different mental health problems that are really having an affect on the people who suffer from them. Not only are they tormented by a constant drowning sensation, but they are also cast out by society. Mental illness still has a bad name, a stigma that we relate to the asylums that we see on history programmes, but how are we to break away from that? How can we, as Christians, offer people who suffer from a mental illness - no matter how severe a place to know that they are safe? A place of sanctuary and hope that people constantly crave.
    I am more than aware of how difficult it is to understand mental health, through working at it on a professional level/volunteering at my church with young adults as well as suffering with anxiety/depression myself. It's not an easy thing to admit (even as I am writing this I'm questioning whether or not to publish it). Depression isn't how it looks like on TV, it isn't all about crying and emotional breakdowns (that can totally happen), but it's also about the huge lack of motivation. Imagine waking up every morning, still exhausted, not even wanting to talk to the people you live with through no fault of their own. Imagine catching your reflection in the mirror and honestly loathing everything about it. Imagine not even bothering to eat because you don't see the point in it. That's only half of what depression can be like, it's an endless void that controls every part of your life. Then, in addition to that imagine not being able to sleep due to being so worried about the next day or reliving a conversation that you had where you may or may not have said something wrong. Imagine being slightly ill, and imagining its something far worse (& then googling the symptoms which makes things ten times worse).  Again, this is exhausting and requires a lot of thought, which needs motivation, so having anxiety and depression combined is probably one of the most exhausting experiences I've ever had. I sometimes struggle to be able to just pray about it, especially if I am feeling very anxious. I struggle to put my mind on something that means I have to just let go - sometimes, as stupid as it sounds - I don't want to. I am in the comfort of my anxiety, like a weird safety blanket. (Oh, and by the way - I am more than well aware that my mental health improves when I'm praying to when I'm not praying, but no way does it disappear. Also, prayer definitely does help!)
     I don't think the above description will give mental health problems any justice - honestly, it's binding. I struggle with it on quite a mild level really, I can still cope. I don't take tablets for it (it has been offered & I have in the past but due to the effect it had on my body I decided to not take them anymore). Mental illness is destructive, it craves to destroy the people it has hold of, therefore in a world that is so ashamed of mental health we should be a place, a people who have our arms open to the people poor mental health really affects. I feel we need to  become the place where we don't just tell people to pray about it and they'll be healed instantly, or the reason for the poor mental health is a lack of joy...we need to be a place where mental health is accepted and a place where people know to go to find freedom that only Jesus can offer.

This is only part one of a few/couple (of) posts. I will be writing more as I pray into this particular subject. This part was more of a testimony/ramble! So sorry if it was a bit rambly and muddled up in a few places - I was just typing as I thought it out!

Blessings
May