Sorry I'm not Jane Austen

I stand there on the moors, the biting wind eating away at my raw, naked hands. My hair falls around me, wild and free. I look out across the vast emptiness of the grey landscape. A lone tree grows in the distance - leaves have fallen around the trunk, dead and lifeless, standing there, stark and empty. His arms come around me, and I feel his warmth. I love him, his rugged good looks, his silent demeanour and his quick temper. It seemed crazy that I could fall in love with him, lowly stable boy. I couldn't deny my love, it was exciting yet comforting. I found myself falling for him every time I saw him. I turned to him, our lips meeting.

STOP! Sorry, this is not an Austen novel. The heroes of the Bronte sisters do not exist in the real world. No Heathcliff or Mr Darcy will come and sweep you off your feet - that just doesn't happen. We live in a world that craves love. The Beatles wrote songs about it, Marilyn Monroe starred in films about it and John Keats wrote poems about it. Love is pretty much everywhere - so it's understandable that we want to fall in love - to have a taster of what they all speak about, this thing called love. But it's tough, it's a difficult process to get into a relationship that glorifies God. So, how can we, as Christians get into a loving relationship that is Christ centred? 

    There's a lot of pressure for Christians to get into relationships - we are bombarded with questions as soon as we become friends with someone of the opposite sex. If we're still single at 20 people start telling us that it's okay to be single - after all Jesus was. Sometimes we get into relationships and we struggle to make sure God is the centre of it. Personally I find myself looking at other people's relationships, thinking how Godly they are, how they never have any trouble, how ideal their relationships are. So how are we able to make sure we have relationships that are God-filled and who is the right person for us?

You and God

Before anything though you need to sort it with God - this is clearly the most important relationship you're even going to have. You cannot go into a relationship without prayer - like most big decisions we make, to have a clear head about it. With prayer you are able to prepare yourself and prepare your heart for the relationship you are going into. This means that the relationship you are in will be God-driven. You cannot expect the other person to pull you upward in your faith, because at the end of the day when one of you is weaker - and not doing anything about it - it will drag the other down. Being mature in your faith is key before going into a relationship. You are able to offer great support as well as ensuring your relationship is Godly. 

     Another key step of a relationship is not looking for it. It's a cliché - but it's a cliché that we should all listen to. When we search for a relationship we struggle in being happy with one. We settle for the first thing that comes along , we don't wait to find the person that God wants us to have - this is damaging. You leave yourself disappointed and lost. We put importance in the person as opposed to putting it in God. Instead of focussing yourself of finding a relationship, give it to God. Allow yourself to fall in love with God all over again. If someone wants to find you, they'll go to God - you should be so in love with Him. He is your first true love.

It's all in the heart.

As humans we look on the outside first - obviously. We're not going to want a chocolate cake if it looks disgusting. I'm not going to pretend we don't live in a world where looks don't matter, of course they do. Christians aren't any different. We don't have some power that means that we can see if somebody has a great personality or not, we struggle as much as everyone else. So how do we find 'the one' (I cringed myself as I wrote that, don't worry, we're all cringing together)? 

    We mustn't all look for the same thing. Everyone has an ideal person in their mind; guitar playing, floppy haired, pastors son (just to name a few of my own), but this does not mean that this is necessarily the right person for you. I believe that God does fulfil our desires - but sometimes what we think is right for us isn't always the case. When I came to university I loved the idea of single Christian men. I was from a rather small church with hardly any boys my age, so going to a university with tonnes of Christian boys - excited doesn't cover it.  But now I have a boyfriend and he's not from my university. This doesn't mean that the boys from university aren't good enough for my, or aren't Godly enough. It just means they're not for me, not who God has planned for me. We may be alongside other Christians - but it's not always the case that they're ideal for us for romantic relationships. (God gives us people who we can have alongside us in platonic ways - these will help us grow too). My friend once described boys as a notebook; When you want a notebook you go into a shop to get one, there are many different types of notebook - all beautiful and attractive, however, there is only really one that suits us. This does not mean that the remaining notebooks aren't attractive - they're just not your type.

      One of the most key aspects of finding 'the one' (sorry) is their relationship with God. A person should be so in love with God, their heart only for Him, that you have to go to God to find it. God should always be the centre of your relationship, so when you're looking for the other person, God should be the one who you go through to find them. A person's spirit should become the main attraction - easier said then done. It kind of helps that I met my boyfriend at a Christian event, but the fact is one of the main attractions should be the persons spirituality. We should look further than the outward appearance - don't judge a book by its cover and all that. Look into the heart of a person, get to know them. Pray about it. When you pray into a relationship you are able to get the most out of it, it also enables you to make sure God remains the centre of it. Your relationship becomes a God-given relationship.

Mistakes can happen!

Relationships are great - but we sometimes trick ourselves into thinking that they have to be perfect all of the time. This is not the case (sorry Chris!). Relationships take work, it's not going to be easy, they take sacrifice and commitment. Just because you struggle a little in your relationship does not mean that it's not worth it. Relationships take time, you are getting to know each other as well as learning how to be in love. You've stopped becoming just one person, caring for yourself - but you now have somebody else to care about. Allow them to make mistakes but at the same time offer them sacrifice - give them a chance! It's okay to argue, it doesn't mean you're going to break up. Arguments happen, but with prayer and petition you are able to get through them. Be your own person, with your own faith - do not let your own faith be compromised by the relationship. Stay strong in what you believe and your relationship with God.

    Keep God centre - remember Him in all you do. This reminder stops from sexual immorality and also enables us to look to God throughout the relationship. Making God centre - a relationship becoming a three stranded chord; 'A chord of three strands is not quickly broken' (Ecclesiastes 4:22).  When God is centre it's easier for the relationship to move forward as well as strengthening the faith of both people. Keep on praying and keep Him in your heart, try not to lose Him in the relationship. Let God guide your relationship.

I may not know everything about relationships, in fact I know I don't know everything - but that was a little insight into what I think a relationship should have. Not all relationships are the same but God is the same, yesterday, today and forever. 

Blessings.

May.

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I am going to write a blog, but first, let me take a selfie

Meeting someone new is always quite a scary prospect - we never really know how to act. I am forever envious of those people who can make a great first impression, that's not me. I think I have a problem sometimes with how much of an awkward first impression I make. I remember needing to meet my boyfriend's parents and how frightened I was - not because of them, but because I just can't cope socially. I also have a problem, a clammy hand problem. This is a problem that I hope affects other people - it's when your hands decide to clam up. Meeting anyone is then the biggest trial ever. Now I'm at an age where shaking hands with new people is a standard I dread it. I have been known to fist bump over shaking hands. I'm a twenty year old white girl, I've never made fist bumping look less cool. First impressions for me are the worst. But I'd like to think once you get to know me your impression will fit who I actually am. You'll begin to understand how much I detest shaking hands with people and laugh at my jokes, even when they're not funny (which is never...). But that's because you've taken the time to get to know me, my identity.

I've already spoken about identity on a basic level, but now I feel I should speak about God's identity and how we can get to know it. The most obvious answer is the Bible. Where else would we find stuff about God being God then in the book about Him. As once described to me; 'The Bible is God's selfie' all we need to know about Him and see about Him is in this book. His identity is shaped in these pages, we get to know the real Him as we delve deeper into His word. A lot of us, as children would've been given this image of God - being the omnipresent being who lives in the sky with a grey beard - his son Jesus sitting next to Him with a brown beard and a very fetching striped number. We have this aesthetic view of God because of artists impressions and our own imagination, but to be honest the Bible doesn't really offer any sort of profile of God, we don't know the colour of his eyes or His shoe size, but instead we do know His character. We can see all around us His creation and all He has done so we know the power that He has, but we can't just leave it at that. If we want to know more of an artist we gain understand through research and interest in them as a person, we can't just look at their work and know all about them - we gain some understanding, our interpretation of the person, but that's about it. If we want to know God, we need to look into it. 

    The Bible offers plenty of descriptions of God - from start to finish, we can see stories of Him and we are able to gain an understanding of just how great He is. There are of descriptions of Him; 'God is love' (John 4:8) as we read the Bible we can get to know God. But this is it, we can't just get to know Him by remembering Bible verses we learnt as children, or Bible verses we see on bumper stickers - we must take time and invest in the word of God. (This does not mean flip it open and read the first thing you find - I did that once, it spoke about the wrath of God, Old Testament style - flipping scary stuff) We must read it & again not in the style of a story book. The Bible is (and I'm pretty sure this is a Mike Myers quote); Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth (Cringe). If we want to know God, read about Him - read the book that has saved many people's lives, that people have died for, that people live by - it's the only real way we can understand Him. (Watching Bruce Almighty will never give us a real sense of who God is - sorry about that.)

    I can tell you how amazing God is, His great works, His plans and how He has changed my life - but you need to experience it for yourself, you need to read the truth for you to understand it. We will only have a shallow perception - the aesthetic perception of Him if we don't strive to know Him. It seems almost obvious - read your Bible. And here's another obvious one - prayer and fellowship. How on earth do we expect to get to know someone if we don't talk to them, if we don't put time aside for them? As I've mentioned before, I'm in a long distance relationship with a great man of God - He is incredible, he challenges, encourages and blesses me (just showing off now). I love him with all my heart, he is my best friend and I know him better than anyone (and he knows me!) However, I wouldn't know him at all if I hadn't taken the time to get to know him, to find out stuff about him, to meet people who are crazy about him to, to know the people he loves & to love the people he loves. I talk to him everyday (to the annoyance of everyone) and I get alongside people he knows and loves. I've met his family and I truly love them, I've got to know his friends and again, I've gotten to know them personally as friends. I have made an effort. This is how we should approach God and how we get to know God. Get alongside people who adore God - who want to know more and are striving for the same goal (this means getting to know Christians - being part of a church, or being alongside other Christians). Speak to God - praying to God is key to getting to know Him and His power. Without talking to Him you'll struggle to know anything. Communication is key in any relationship - so why not this one? Prayer and fellowship is vital to getting to know God's identity. Reading the Bible does wonders, but it isn't enough. We must get to know God on a personal level and be in a relationship with Him. Being a Christian isn't a religion, it's a faithful, loving, passionate relationship.

You don't know people when you first meet them, when you don't take the time to get to know them. God is the same, we can't settle for an aesthetic view of Him, created by artists hundreds of years ago. We must look to get to know Him more through His word, through praying and through fellowship. It's the only way in which we can truly know God - the ultimate, the beginning and the end. 

'I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end' (Revelation 22:13)

Blessings

May

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