Hello blogger, my old friend

Hello friends, it's been a while.

Two very big things have happened to me in the past few months. I shall start with the most recent; I got engaged! 💍💍💍 Yes, I am super super excited and I could dedicate a whole post to it but that can be for another time/if people actually care about it (I really don't want to bombard people with all that stuff - especially because as Christians we seem obsessed with people getting married (I mean the amount of questions and worrying looks I've been getting in the last year because I'm 22, in a committed relationship and not married - I mean oh my goodness)). [DISCLAIMER: Marriage is going to be amazing and God-filled and something I believe, for me, God wants. But it is not for everyone. Fellowship is for everyone, marriage doesn't have to be.]

The other thing is incredible, something that I don't think I would ever really be able to talk about this (which makes me sound like a really class Christian), but I have been set free, set free from a life of anxiety and worry.

The last time I blogged I spoke a lot about mental health and the church, this is something that is very dear to me. For over five years I have suferred from severe anxiety. Back then, when I was 16 I would worry about what people would think of me, exams and boys.  When I got to university it became worse (this time I was dealing with guilt - especially if I wasnt focused in God at that particular time of my life), but still I would worry about exams and what people would think of me. Now, since leaving university my anxiety has become focused on my health and focusing/obsessing of things Ive done in the past. I would constantly go up for prayer at church or events in order to be healed from this. But nothing would happen (I would have to do that super awkward smile when someone eagerly waits for you to say you feel great, but you don't).  So, I know what it's like to feel almost as if nothing is working and like you're abandoned.
    So safe to stay after over five years of struggling with anxiety I almost had given up. I've read loads of blog posts, bought books, listened to sermons and still it wasnt stopping. In fact it felt as if my anxiety had gotten worse. I would have days when I wouldn't be able to get out of bed, or I would have to leave rooms if my anxiety had gotten so bad. I found it very difficult to look to God, I couldn't pray as my mind wouldn't focus because anytime I tried to empty my mind I would worry and obsess and remember that really stupid thing I did six months ago and wonder why that man was looking at me so strangely on the bus and OH MY GOODNESS WHAT IS THAT LUMP...Yeah safe to say, I was NOT in a good place.
        It was at this point I decided to go home, I didn't go for any reason, just wanted some free food for a bit. As a family we went to a church event. It was a pretty good service (I mean, they had a buffet at the end - and like I said, I'm about the free food). I cant remember exactly what the sermon was about (how bad is that), but at the end they did a call for prayer. Again, it wasn't anything specific and most people were worshipping/starting the queue for the buffet, but I decided to go up for prayer. Two ladies prayed for me and I didnt really feel any different, just really calm. As I left the event I wasn't anxious or worried (which was huge because right up to this I had felt dreadful). i was able to laugh and actually, strangely, breathe properly (so cliche - but so true).  The anxiety I had been overwhelmedmwith for years had gone. I was free.

From then till now I have had this amazing sense of freedom and peace. It is incredible. It also has come at the perfect time. I have learnt to trust in God and His timing. Knowing His word does stand firm and does stand against my circumstance.

I know how frustrating it is to feel alone, to feel as if prayer isnt working. Anxiety is a lonely place. The ability anxiety has to cut you off from the rest of the world is astounding, the ability it has to make you sound stupid, constantly repeating yourself, worrying about little things...I get it. Through Christ, through prayer and through His timing I am free.

Just a wee testimony to say i am back and will be trying to blog more, sorry ive been rubbish!

blessings xx

Hello friends

So it's been a while! Google tells me the last time I posted was in April 2015, I'm sorry. Between moving house, family illness and starting a new job I've been struggling with finding anytime to really blog. But I promise, now things are settling I will get back into the swing of things.

   I'm also going to be completely honest and tell you that with my life getting a whole lot more busy I've been finding it difficult to spend tonnes (if any) of time with God. Due to my work I missed most Sunday's at church (which, I know many of you totally may shame me for working on a Sunday) was unavoidable. It's not easy, nowadays sustaining a decent job without working the weekends - especially here in the UK. I'll tell you a wee bit about what has been going on over the past 6 or so months.

Leaving university.

So, one of the hardest and most trusting choices I had to make was to leave university. I had always wanted to go to university and felt that it was part of the path that God had set out for my life. As I've probably mentioned before I didn't have the best time at uni, in my first year I preferred going out and drinking to spending time looking at churches (although I did have a church, but didn't really serve in it at all). Then in the second half of that year one of my close friends died, causing me to question God (& in turn the Christians who surrounded me who didn't offer to pray or anything). I then got glandular fever in the summer - which resulted in an incredible realisation of who God was and His awesomeness, but also in me developing post-viral-depression (which is very common in people who've had glandular fever). I hated university at this point and struggled to get out of bed or even socialise. I was exhausted - not only from the glandular fever - but also from the depression (I'm going to do a blog especially on this at some point). This depression grew into anxiety and then led me to really struggle at uni (a place where we were totally independent in working and everything). I had a little job on the side and I'd been going out with Chris for a wee while, so seemingly I had everything made. I let people believe this because it was so much easier to smile and get on with stuff.  But I was struggling a lot. So, after doing uni in third year for a couple of months I finally decided to leave uni. I prayed about it and asked God to make things easier for me if its what was planned. And God totally made things happen.

Moving home.

So, after deciding to leave uni I needed to figure out what I wanted to do. I knew I wanted to move closer to Chris, so I spent time thinking and praying about it. I chatted to friends - some girls who I had met the year before about my situation. They laughed as they told me they needed a new flatmate. They lived in the same city as Chris as they were as they were at uni there. So I moved in with them. And honestly, I can say I have been totally blessed by God. The three girls I live with love Jesus, love life and love doing exactly what Jesus wants us to do. Each of them individually emulate Christ in their own unique way and encourage me to do the same. They help me strive toward getting closer to God, ensuring my relationship with Chris is Christ-centred and fulfil my true potential. I couldn't ask for better girls to live with.

New job.

So one more part of the puzzle that needed to be sorted was getting a job. I needed a job that meant that I would be able to live comfortably. I applied for many jobs, including a couple of church admin jobs. I ended up getting a job working for a mental health charity, as a support worker. I found this job not only challenging but also incredibly humbling. After a while I began to realise that God was preparing me for his plan. I was slowly starting to realise that my heart was really for people who were on the edges of society, people who had been forgotten about. This burning in my heart has enabled me to realise that working in the care sector was something that ultimately God had wanted me to do. This job meant that I have began to understand what I am meant to do.

   

That's pretty much what's been going on for the past few months, now you're up to speed I hope you understand why it's been so quiet recently!

I promise I'll get better at doing this again and I'll get back into it. God is going to do incredible things & is already showing my some incredible things that He's already done. I know now that I am to get ready and go - not to wait about until something happens, but God will allow something to happen, but I in turn need to be prepared. So right now I'm preparing myself for the journey He has in store for me and I know that through Him (& only through Him) I will achieve great things. 

Where does blogging come into this?

So I truly believe that God has given me a gift of words. I love writing and reading. Journaling during my quiet time is the best way, I find, for me to really understand what God is saying. I also believe that due to this I have a platform to be brutally honest and vulnerable. I know sometimes it's difficult, when you're struggling to find someone who understands (or sometimes you don't want people to know), so I feel that God has given me this opportunity to write and hopefully support and encourage others who may need it. I also find this is a great way of proclaiming all the amazing things God has done for me. He is amazing and I love telling of his great works in me!

Thanks my friends, talk very soon!

'Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the rock of salvation.' PSALM 95:1

Blessings

May x

Stop just making it a youth movement

Now is the time, God is preparing a generation.

I remember hearing this time and time again as a teenager and in my youth group 'God is building up a generation'. I was excited, I was ready, I was keen...And then I hit twenty. I was no longer a teenager, I was no longer able to go to youth events, be invited to teen-oriented functions or change lives. I felt like I'd wasted my teenage life, I hadn't led thousands of people to faith, I'd hardly brought about a revival. If I was meant to be part of a generation that was going to change the world, maybe I'd just been missed out of this part, maybe I was just not good enough. I'd come to university and I was a young adult, I stopped going to a youth group and started helping out at one, I started being known as someone (and not just my parent's daughter), I'd started being asked to pay taxes - safe to say I'd become an adult. I felt like I'd missed out on this generation movement. God preparing a generation was just a youth thing, not a church thing.

But this is not just a youth movement, the generation doesn't just stop at the youth.

We as a church are a generation, it's not just for the gifted, the old, the young. It is for all of us as a body of Christ. We are all made to praise Jesus; 'Kings of the earth and all peoples; Princes and all judges of the earth; Both young men and virgins; Old men and children. Let them praise the name of the LORD, For His name alone is exalted; His glory is above earth and heaven.…' (Psalm 148 11-13). We all praise Jesus and we all live to serve Him. We shouldn't be stuck in the groups that we have put ourselves into. We shouldn't take away the value from others, we shouldn't limit ourselves to people we relate to better, we should break away from this being a '(fill in appropriate name) movement' and make it a church movement.

This is not just for the youth, this is not a youth movement.

We are part of a generation, all of us. We all are to make a difference to the nation we belong to. Together we create the army that God is creating, we need to stop being civilians and become soldiers. God is rising up the young. God is preparing the old. God is calling the under-qualified. God is preparing the way for the qualified. It doesn't stop. God is calling you. 

We need to break away from the bondage of what we believe, that we are not young enough, clever enough, good looking enough, good enough...we are the generation. Don't just encourage the youth, don't just believe it for the youth, we are a generation that God WILL and DOES use. WE ARE A REVIVAL GENERATION. 

Blessings
May
xx

I'm not religious

I don't have a religion. I don't follow my parent's beliefs or go to church every Sunday because they told me to. I don't enjoy the religious entitiy Christianity has become. I don't follow the rules.

I love Jesus though.

I believe in the living God, the same God that made Eve of Adam's rib, the same God that sent his only son into a suffering world. I believe in that God. He knows me deeply, I have a profound relationship with Him and I simply cannot get enough of Him. I'm not religious, but I have a tangible and alive relationship with Christ himself.

    We need to stop being like a Christian and become more like Christ. We need to live the way Christ lived, love the way he loved. Not be stuck in the rules and regulations of a religion. 

     Christ loved the poor, He hung with the lowest of the low. He didn't sit in a middle class home with his middle class friends doing middle class things, He didn't once attempt to get something just because he was the son of God. He went into the world as a man and lived as one. He experienced emotion and loss as we do. If he can be like us than we can strive to be like Him. We should get out of comfortable lives and be uncomfortable. It begins to get dangerous when we have too much comfort. We stop growing, caring and loving. If Christ meant for us to be religious he would've loved the Pharisees. We aren't meant to be the ones who sit on high and judge, we aren't meant to be the ones who have it sorted and live inside our Christian bubble. We are made to be Christ-like.

We are in a world where people are more uncomfortable to be like Jesus than to be as a Christian. What would Jesus do?

What bracelet are you wearing? WWJD or WWPD?

Are we becoming too religious?

Blessings

may