I remember when the first Christian boy asked me out for a coffee. Oh my life, I was excited! It's a well known fact that a Christian date is a coffee. Christians everywhere meet up in quirky coffee shops, drinking fair trade coffee out of colourful mugs with their future husbands/wives whilst a totally Christian-friendly singer strums a few chords on an acoustic guitar. Such a Christian cliche, I was looking forward to it. I donned my skinny jeans, TOMs and baggy t-shirt, pure Christian chic. I had my nose pierced (edgy), which made me really look like a Christian who knew how to have fun (but not too much fun, my nose piercing was a stud - don't want to seem to rebellious and go for a hoop - IMAGINE) I walked into the crowded coffee house and saw my man here, reading a Francis Chan book and cross referencing to his well thumbed Bible. I looked at myself in the reflective glass (I didn't go with that much make-up, I wanted to emulate Ruth not Hagar) and made my way over. Sitting down opposite him he looked up, quiffed hair looking flawless. His chequed shirt looked great on him and I could see his guitar next to him (just in case music just came to him). He smiled at me and asked what I wanted - a standard coffee, with just milk. Very Christian. I knew he was going to fall in love with me right there and then. As he came back and we sat and chatted I spoke about how epic God was and how I felt Hillsong's latest album had really affected me, spiritually. I spoke about how I felt like Esther, how I loved God and how I loved praying. He smiled as I spoke and took my hand...I then woke up.
I don't think I've ever been on an actual coffee date, I've met up with people for coffee and my boyfriend Chris and I go for coffee, but I've never done the hipster boy meets girl over Bible reading in coffee shop. Maybe I missed out? Maybe not. From a young age I wanted to get married. I'd be the one who'd suggest playing kiss-chase in the playground, I'd also be the one who stood still waiting for the boys to 'catch me', I had an imaginary boyfriend at quite a young age (to be honest I think that says more about me than anyone else), I'd jump at any chance to meet Christian boys and truly felt God was calling me to get married as soon as I was legally able to. Surprisingly I didn't date all that much, well no serious dates. At the time I was convinced I was going to marry anyone who prayed over me. Then I was old enough to go to Soul Survivor. Oh how a new world how been opened up to me, there weren't just boys from the churches in our city, but from all over. Floppy haired, chequed shirt wearing, guitar playing, Jesus loving boys.
I'm embarrassed when I think back now on how much of a cringe I was when I met Christian boys. I'd decide that God wouldn't have put them in my life unless He wanted me to marry them - that makes sense? I couldn't see how I was meant to have male friends or how that would have ever worked. I do believe God does provide you with your heart's desires, so for me this was a husband, but I definitely was looking for it in all the wrong places. I started misreading signals from boys and 'falling in love' with worship leaders at various Christian conferences. I don't feel I was ever taught the true value of friendship in some ways. I feel like I missed out a lot as a teenager because of this. I didn't really know that Christian boys and girls can be friends without there being anything in it. I've learnt that now.
Christian friendships are truly precious. They are the kind of friendships that we should cherish. Being friends with someone of the same sex is vital for our spiritual development - we need to be alongside people who are similar to us (as a girl who is more similar to you than another girl?), who can hurt for us and love us no matter what - getting alongside people of the opposite sex isn't enough. No matter how much you think you don't need people of the same sex as your friends, you do - believe me, a time will come when you realise this. But being friends with people of the opposite sex is incredible too, having a true and platonic friendship with them is a desire we should all seek. I know that I have boys in my life who I adore in a totally platonic way, true men of God who are strong and powerful, who challenge and encourage me. They are my brothers in Christ - I do not seem them in any way other than this. Being a girl and having boy friends is key to my own development and understanding. I have a boyfriend who I love and I have friends who are platonic. There's a massive difference. These friendships are true, wholesome and totally brotherly. I adore it. I know the annoyance first-hand of fellow Christians questioning the relationship between you and someone else - it's annoying and it should stop. But in order to do that you need to keep the friendship clean and platonic. Do not flirt with the idea of a possible relationship if you don't want it. Encourage each other like you would a brother for that is the strongest bond.
The Bible teaches us on the importance of fellowship - it is vital. Not every Christian boy I meet is going to be my boyfriend, but there will be boys who will become my brothers. We need to ensure that we encourage this - more relationships between boys and girls that are clean cut and innocent. Friendships help build people up and having someone of the opposite sex is so handy for that.
'A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity' (Proverbs 17:17)
Make brothers and sisters in Christ - we don't need to all marry the first Christian boy that shows interest in us. Relationships are great, but friendships are the real deal - a true brother loving relationship which nurtures and helps. A lasting friendship that can be done over coffee.
Blessings.
May
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