We should all want to be ginger

I'm not a natural ginger, but for the short few years that I've rocked the red headed look I've experienced just a taster of anti-gingerness. People really have an issue with gingers - I don't really see where it's come from, but it's obvious. It doesn't conform with the blondes and brunettes of society, it's OTT and orange. Famous gingers are known mainly for their hair colour (however, for fancy dress this usually means us gingers are able to dress up in an old school uniform - donning a cape and witches hat and claim to be a Weasley). We are race in ourselves. We are admired by some (usually older women who tell you how nice your hair colour is - trying to convince you/themselves that it's okay), feared by many...but we are our own people. So what if we don't conform, we stand out and as we grow older and the carrot taunts fade into Indian sunset comments and we happily claim; GINGER AND PROUD! Not conforming is kind of cool.

        I know I'm not a natural red-head, but I love being ginger. I love how it does stand out (and hey, people think it's natural anyway). It's interesting and different. The idea of not conforming is something that has also stuck out to me recently. In the Bible it says; 'Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind' (Romans 12:2). This is a pretty simple message - do not become part of this world, in the way it goes about things. There are many things in the world that are desirable, we can go along with our friends or different ways people live their lives - that do seem attractive, but these things are part of the world and not part of God's plan. Conformity does not make us stand out - it makes us of the world, doing the things they do. The world sees no difference in the way we act to the way they act - how can they see God in you? We should all endeavour to let God shine out - for Him to be our main attraction, the light in our lives that others see.

       I've experienced what it's like to want to be part of the world - I'm not narrow minded and I am able to draw from my own experience. It seems great, we want to fit it, to conform. The idea of being 'a ginger' frightens us. We strive to fit it, to not seem weird (especially because people think Christians are weird anyway). We go the way of the world. But this doesn't work out - this is empty, this doesn't offer us a future. Our renewed mind in Christ should offer us that future, that promise. Be in the world, but not of the world. Basically, don't cut yourself off from people, putting yourselves into Christian bubbles, looking down on people, condemning them - but don't fall into the routine that they do. Both ways are harmful and won't help your spiritual growth or that of others. Conformity isn't the only problem - removing yourselves from people is to. You need to go into every situation with God and protection - but be a friend, not a judge

Don't conform to the crowd, stand out and be proud (I don't know why I'm now rhyming).

Blessings

May

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Go, go, go Joseph

One time during a sleepover my friend sat up in bed (she was asleep) and shaking her doll pointed toward the dark corner. I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO FREAKED OUT IN MY LIFE. It was literally the creepiest moment of my life (I don't know if it helps that I am petrified of the dark). I have no idea what she was dreaming about, but dreams are weird. I don't just mean the ones that result in you pointing to random parts of the room - but the ones that we have that make us think about our lives. When I was much younger I always had a dream job - I wanted to be a rabbit (yeah, it's pretty cute). I was committed to this dream, my parents humoured me, probably. I really wanted to be a rabbit. Alas, due to quite obvious reasons I was never able to do this. As I grew up I realised that it was impossible, I gained new job prospects ranging from being a vet to being an actor. I never really pursued these ideas (I'm doing an English degree, I am freaked out by most animals and can be painfully shy). But I still dreamed big. It was the only way.

Let's talk about Joseph. *SPOILER ALERT* He was a big dreamer - his whole life was based on dreams. He also got a pretty fabulous coat out of it. Definitely one of the Bible's best dressed. He had dreams that confused him but also built him up. He was part of a big family - all boys, even the notion. They all had a bit of an issue with Joseph- poor little Joey. They basically thought him as really cocky. He was their dad's favourite and never had to do any work. He then had the audacity to tell them how their corn was going to bow down to his. (You should really check out the musical with Donny Osmond - just fantastic.) So, they decided to kill him - well attempt to kill him. They attacked him and left him for dead - but then, change of heart - they decided to sell him off to some Israelites and make him go to Egypt. Harsh. I don't think I'd ever sell any of my brothers, well maybe Reuben...(totally joking). Fast forward a little, Joseph is working for Potiphar (pretty important guy in Egypt) - he's committing to it, doing all he can and gets a promotion. But all is not well, he's caught the attention of Potiphar's wife - who really wants a piece. Of course, Joseph being a good and faithful servant rejects her - but to his horror she tells her husband different. This results in Joseph getting chucked into jail. Knocked down again. He stays in prison for a while, meeting a butler and a baker (also resulting in a brilliant musical sequence in the film, with colour, flowers and a weird hippy man...). He interprets the dreams of both men - one good, one not so good (sorry Christopher Biggins). Move on a little later and the butler (the one who survived) tells the Pharaoh of this great man who can interpret dreams - Joseph. The Pharaoh calls Joseph to the stand and tells him of his dreams - involving cows. Joseph is able to translate these dreams and save Egypt from the famine that is going to happen (pretty good of him to be quite honest). He then becomes prime minister of Egypt. ENTER JOSEPH'S BROTHERS. Oh, how the mighty of fallen! They don't recognise their own brother - so come and fall to their knees and bow down in front of him (sound familiar?) - quick side note: there is a famine in the land where Joseph's brothers are from too - they come to Egypt because they know that Egypt is plentiful. Joseph feeds them and gives them food for their families. However, sneaky Joe puts a cup in Benjamin's bag...when he is brought up on it and sentenced to prison the brothers all fall to their knees begging Joseph to let him go. Joseph reveals himself as he realises his brothers have changed. All is well and good and his family (+ daddy Jacob) come and live with him in Egypt. The end.

Sorry if that was a little long-winded, but I was just giving you a little background. Throughout the story Joseph was beaten up, he was put into prison and ridiculed. Nobody liked him - he was favoured by people (his dad and Potiphar) but then cast out by people who wanted to destroy him. People got jealous of him and didn't like it. But Joseph didn't give up, he still had dreams. He had the dreams when he lived at home - God gave him the dreams, an insight to his future. He was thrown around and beaten, but his dreams still came true. He got knocked down, but he got back up again (resisting the urge to burst into song...). When God gives you dreams, He is going to keep to them. No matter what you go through. Joseph was rejected, but his skills and talents that were God given were able to put to the use to put him in the position God had planned for him. 

    It's not easy following God's plan  - we get knocked down a lot, but we need to get back up again and brush ourselves off. What if Joseph had admitted defeat when he knew his brothers didn't like him, or when he became a slave? He wouldn't have been promoted, he wouldn't have been able to interpret dreams, he wouldn't have been able to save Egypt. God put him in a place for a reason - he didn't have it easy, but if he did none of this would've happened. If he had never gone to prison, he would never have met the butler - he would never have known he would have been able to definitely interpret dreams...it wouldn't have made good news. God made his life the way it was to put him to the position he was in. It worked out perfectly. If God has given you dreams, don't be disheartened if things look bleak at the moment - God never gives up on His promises, dream and dream big.

Blessings

May

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I enjoyed morphine too much

I used to try and get off going to school as much as I could as a child. I would always pretend I was sick to not go in, and to be honest it worked a lot of the time. I don't know when I started 'being ill' all the time, but I was a fast learner. I realised that being ill the morning of school wasn't enough. So I started really plotting, really committing to being ill. I'd start the night before (genius, I know), I'd time it perfectly - as soon as I knew my mum was coming through the door I'd lie pathetically on the sofa (or, for real illness perfection and real commitment, on my bed). My mum would come in and shout 'hi', a weak and feeble 'hello' greeted her back as I groaned in 'agony', (usually at this point I would've moaned about how ill I was to my sister, who was usually overly sympathetic - thank-you Grace (laying the foundations early on)). My mum would then come in and check on me. If I was downstairs, she'd make me go to bed, I would climb the stairs - slowly, heavy breathing all the time. I'd stay in my room for the evening, when dinner was called I'd pretend to be asleep (please note: before any of this took place I'd gage the situation - what dinner would be). If they came to check on me I'd close my eyes, facing the door (surely if I was faking it I wouldn't be so fearless as to face the door). I'd then go to sleep - waking the next morning, a little earlier than usual (very unlike me). I'd go downstairs, clutching my stomach and tell my mum and dad how unwell I felt..this usually was the clincher - my mum would look at my dad and my dad at my mum and they'd tell me to go back to bed - I was too ill for school. It took all the energy within me to not jump up and down with great joy. I'd go to bed smiling (luckily, due to early waking up I was able to go back to sleep - the signs of a true illness). On other days my mum would say the immortal words of; 'Go and have a shower and see how you feel'.  No words have disappointed me more.
       I was never really sick, I just couldn't be bothered with school. I'm not sure whether my parents knew that or not - or maybe acting is really my forte. But I never really had that much of an illness - I was really lucky. Last year however I got sick, nothing serious, it was glandular fever (most people gasp at that, but I can't help feeling it sounds wonderfully romantic and Victorian). I got it during the summer holiday from uni - a week before my sister's wedding. However, I wasn't diagnosed till about three weeks later. I'm pretty sure my parents thought I was faking it (all too used to my school days of 'being ill'), but I was genuinely really sick. I was hospitalised (sorry for how dramatic that sounds) a few days after my sister got married and kept in for a week - they didn't know what it was. I can't really remember much of being in hospital (except a nurse kept singing 'Rose garden' and I had some hilarious moments due to morphine). I then went to stay with a really kind and Godly lady from church - she looked after me and I was really grateful (and still am). I was told I'd have to probably defer second year at university and go home. I prayed hard for healing and my parents had people at their church praying too. I couldn't bear not going into second year. Guess what? Prayer worked. I was better (I still had a lot of pain in my liver, but was able to carry on university), I went into second year. I was properly ill, like bed-bound ill for around 7 weeks - glandular fever usually takes months to clear.  God had worked in me and healed me from the inside out.
     One of the most poignant times of my illness was when I was woken up with the sun burning down on me - I woke up, feeling quite woozy, but as the wooziness subsided I waited for the nauseating pain of the glandular fever to set it - it didn't come. I still had the dull ache in my liver, but I could live with that. I felt better. Later that day I phoned my parents telling them how much better I felt. They were stunned and told me that one of the men in church had prayed for the sun to shine on me and for me to be healed. Amen. How great is our God?! Throughout the time of my illness, and a little bit after I prayed and worshipped God - I spent hours waiting on Him and worshipping His name - at the time it was all I could do. He strengthened me in so many ways and appeared to me. He may not have healed me straight away but the work that He did in me has made a lasting difference. I now love God with all my heart, I've seen His miracles first hand and know how great He is. He may not have healed me, but He was doing something.

God may not heal straight away, but He has the power to do so. When we're waiting on God we learn so much. A part I failed to mention was how much I needed to see God at that point in my life. I'd had a dodgy year and had been away from God. God could've healed me straight away - that would've been great, but He worked in me when I needed Him to, I don't think I would've rested on God and waited on Him as much if I had returned to full health straight away. He strengthened me when I was weak. God works like that. He knows the best plan for us. He can heal, He is a healing God who lovingly restores what needs to be restored. At the time of my illness, my faith needed restoration more than my body did. In the end He healed me, but He made sure my faith was healed. Even if God doesn't heal you, He has the power to do so. Some great people have not been healed, they continue to pray, or, in some cases, have lost the battle - but their faith and belief in God has endured and His name is victorious. God does everything for a purpose.

'O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me' (Psalm 30:2)

Blessings.
May
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Sorry I'm not Jane Austen

I stand there on the moors, the biting wind eating away at my raw, naked hands. My hair falls around me, wild and free. I look out across the vast emptiness of the grey landscape. A lone tree grows in the distance - leaves have fallen around the trunk, dead and lifeless, standing there, stark and empty. His arms come around me, and I feel his warmth. I love him, his rugged good looks, his silent demeanour and his quick temper. It seemed crazy that I could fall in love with him, lowly stable boy. I couldn't deny my love, it was exciting yet comforting. I found myself falling for him every time I saw him. I turned to him, our lips meeting.

STOP! Sorry, this is not an Austen novel. The heroes of the Bronte sisters do not exist in the real world. No Heathcliff or Mr Darcy will come and sweep you off your feet - that just doesn't happen. We live in a world that craves love. The Beatles wrote songs about it, Marilyn Monroe starred in films about it and John Keats wrote poems about it. Love is pretty much everywhere - so it's understandable that we want to fall in love - to have a taster of what they all speak about, this thing called love. But it's tough, it's a difficult process to get into a relationship that glorifies God. So, how can we, as Christians get into a loving relationship that is Christ centred? 

    There's a lot of pressure for Christians to get into relationships - we are bombarded with questions as soon as we become friends with someone of the opposite sex. If we're still single at 20 people start telling us that it's okay to be single - after all Jesus was. Sometimes we get into relationships and we struggle to make sure God is the centre of it. Personally I find myself looking at other people's relationships, thinking how Godly they are, how they never have any trouble, how ideal their relationships are. So how are we able to make sure we have relationships that are God-filled and who is the right person for us?

You and God

Before anything though you need to sort it with God - this is clearly the most important relationship you're even going to have. You cannot go into a relationship without prayer - like most big decisions we make, to have a clear head about it. With prayer you are able to prepare yourself and prepare your heart for the relationship you are going into. This means that the relationship you are in will be God-driven. You cannot expect the other person to pull you upward in your faith, because at the end of the day when one of you is weaker - and not doing anything about it - it will drag the other down. Being mature in your faith is key before going into a relationship. You are able to offer great support as well as ensuring your relationship is Godly. 

     Another key step of a relationship is not looking for it. It's a cliché - but it's a cliché that we should all listen to. When we search for a relationship we struggle in being happy with one. We settle for the first thing that comes along , we don't wait to find the person that God wants us to have - this is damaging. You leave yourself disappointed and lost. We put importance in the person as opposed to putting it in God. Instead of focussing yourself of finding a relationship, give it to God. Allow yourself to fall in love with God all over again. If someone wants to find you, they'll go to God - you should be so in love with Him. He is your first true love.

It's all in the heart.

As humans we look on the outside first - obviously. We're not going to want a chocolate cake if it looks disgusting. I'm not going to pretend we don't live in a world where looks don't matter, of course they do. Christians aren't any different. We don't have some power that means that we can see if somebody has a great personality or not, we struggle as much as everyone else. So how do we find 'the one' (I cringed myself as I wrote that, don't worry, we're all cringing together)? 

    We mustn't all look for the same thing. Everyone has an ideal person in their mind; guitar playing, floppy haired, pastors son (just to name a few of my own), but this does not mean that this is necessarily the right person for you. I believe that God does fulfil our desires - but sometimes what we think is right for us isn't always the case. When I came to university I loved the idea of single Christian men. I was from a rather small church with hardly any boys my age, so going to a university with tonnes of Christian boys - excited doesn't cover it.  But now I have a boyfriend and he's not from my university. This doesn't mean that the boys from university aren't good enough for my, or aren't Godly enough. It just means they're not for me, not who God has planned for me. We may be alongside other Christians - but it's not always the case that they're ideal for us for romantic relationships. (God gives us people who we can have alongside us in platonic ways - these will help us grow too). My friend once described boys as a notebook; When you want a notebook you go into a shop to get one, there are many different types of notebook - all beautiful and attractive, however, there is only really one that suits us. This does not mean that the remaining notebooks aren't attractive - they're just not your type.

      One of the most key aspects of finding 'the one' (sorry) is their relationship with God. A person should be so in love with God, their heart only for Him, that you have to go to God to find it. God should always be the centre of your relationship, so when you're looking for the other person, God should be the one who you go through to find them. A person's spirit should become the main attraction - easier said then done. It kind of helps that I met my boyfriend at a Christian event, but the fact is one of the main attractions should be the persons spirituality. We should look further than the outward appearance - don't judge a book by its cover and all that. Look into the heart of a person, get to know them. Pray about it. When you pray into a relationship you are able to get the most out of it, it also enables you to make sure God remains the centre of it. Your relationship becomes a God-given relationship.

Mistakes can happen!

Relationships are great - but we sometimes trick ourselves into thinking that they have to be perfect all of the time. This is not the case (sorry Chris!). Relationships take work, it's not going to be easy, they take sacrifice and commitment. Just because you struggle a little in your relationship does not mean that it's not worth it. Relationships take time, you are getting to know each other as well as learning how to be in love. You've stopped becoming just one person, caring for yourself - but you now have somebody else to care about. Allow them to make mistakes but at the same time offer them sacrifice - give them a chance! It's okay to argue, it doesn't mean you're going to break up. Arguments happen, but with prayer and petition you are able to get through them. Be your own person, with your own faith - do not let your own faith be compromised by the relationship. Stay strong in what you believe and your relationship with God.

    Keep God centre - remember Him in all you do. This reminder stops from sexual immorality and also enables us to look to God throughout the relationship. Making God centre - a relationship becoming a three stranded chord; 'A chord of three strands is not quickly broken' (Ecclesiastes 4:22).  When God is centre it's easier for the relationship to move forward as well as strengthening the faith of both people. Keep on praying and keep Him in your heart, try not to lose Him in the relationship. Let God guide your relationship.

I may not know everything about relationships, in fact I know I don't know everything - but that was a little insight into what I think a relationship should have. Not all relationships are the same but God is the same, yesterday, today and forever. 

Blessings.

May.

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Letting go and letting God

There's an age-old question that seems to be puzzling people worldwide. Men and women young and old have struggled with the dilemma for almost twenty years. Surveys have been held and discussions had in order to try and get some answers. Why did Rose not just let Jack on her piece of wood when the Titanic sank to her watery grave? Surely there was enough room to play a card game let alone save her apparent beloved? Also, why was she wearing the life jacket when she was NOT the one sinking...the mind baffles. But the question that bugs me, and has bugged me since seeing the film when I was ten years old, was this; WHY DID SHE LET GO?! (After whispering the immortal words; 'I won't let go Jack' - er yeah sure pal, you couldn't wait to get rid of that dead weight...). The rest of the film I spent crying at the demise of Jack; the floppy hair, cheeky, charming, poor boy became my ideal man - but I couldn't get Rose's words out of my head; 'I won't let go'.
 
   Hopefully none of us will ever have to experience such a traumatic time as that of Rose and Jack, but I'm sure there has been points in our lives where we have held onto things; we haven't let go. In the scene with Jack and Rose, there would have been no way that Rose would've managed to swim to safety if she had held onto Jack. Although she loved him and didn't want to lose him, in the end she realised that to ensure her own safety she would have to let him go. She swam away from him as he sank to the bottom of the ocean. She'd spent the whole film chasing him and even jumped out of the lifeboat for him, but now as it came to it, she left him to save herself. (I bet this is the first time you've seen a Titanic reference relating to God).
       Is this not something we can see in ourselves? Do we not have things in our lives that hold us down; things that hinder us from getting to safety? Are we stopping ourselves from becoming all that God wants us to because of these things that hold us back? This struggle is something in which I have experienced in the past and still experience today. There are parts of my life that I can't seem to let go, parts that I don't want God to have. Some of them are due to enjoyment, others due to fear (I'm scared what will happen when I let go). I give as much as I can to God, just not those parts that I want to hold onto. I know I'm meant to and sometimes I can even trick myself into thinking I have done it, but I haven't. I still let myself be ruled by these things that do not have God in them. I really struggle to let God in. My anxieties and fears were the worst; as much as they crippled me I felt safe in them. I knew what they were and how they controlled me, so letting go of them - as much as it would offer freedom - terrified me. I refused to let God into that part of my life. I didn't let to of it, I would come to God still holding onto it. I was never able to experience proper freedom.
      But like Rose with Jack, I had to let go to get to safety, to be able to call out to God and let Him take me up in His arms. It's a struggle, it's scary, you sometimes don't want to do it - but you need to. You need to know that this is the only way you can get out of it. Self-help books can only go so far. You need proper freedom that only God can offer. I know it's easier said then done, I still struggle with it, but I promise you - the freedom you get from Christ is a freedom like no other; you can breathe again. Things that drown you and pull you down, never letting you grow WILL be broken and cast off. Chains will be broken. When you call out for the father to come and take all of your life, when you call for help - casting off the shadows He will come and rescue like. I've mentioned it in a previous blog of how incredible God can be, how He can save you from drowning, but I'd also like to mention how, when we come to God we are able to break things forever, because He is our help.

'May your hand be ready to help me.' (Psalm 119:173)

'My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.' (Psalm 121:2)

'May those who love you be secure.' (Psalm 122:6)

It is a difficult process -to let go and let God, but it's a beautiful one, when God is totally and utterly in everything we do, it becomes a struggle to do things that are not Holy. One of the key things to do is give things to God through prayer and petition. Don't just stop at things you are comfortable in giving, get uncomfortable. Become vulnerable with God - allow Him to do work in an uncontrollable way. Give your life to Him and let Him have power. His will over yours.

We are aware that God helps us and that He rescues us from the dark places, but we almost must remember it doesn't stop there. He breaks down the walls of years of suppression, He does not let us be ruled by the things un-Godly anymore. Come to Him and let that chains be broken. Abandon your heart to your father and let go of the things that can pull you down.

Blessings.

May
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Stop a moment

Just stop.

In a world full of movement it's very difficult to take a moment and just stop. We struggle to take time out for anything other than what we need to do, what we deem as important. Even when we seem not to be busy we still find it difficult to just stop. Smart phones and laptops hinder this in the same way, social networking has become so easy to do from pretty much anywhere, so even when we do think we're resting we still seem to find ourselves on Twitter or Facebook just waiting. The amount of times we must go on people's facebook just to stalk them (or to get annoyed by them in my case), is ridiculous (awkward now if I'm the only one who does it...). We are in a world that is ruled by technology and moving forward, we forget the small things, we forget just to be still.

'Be still, and know that I am God' (Psalm 46:10)

This is one of my favourite verses, it's poignant and hard hitting whilst it remains a simple message. Be still.
    I'm a full time student studying English (yes, it is a real degree..), I also have a part time job (I sell kilts) and serve in my church. It's not really that much, but that, on top of spending time with my friends, really does all add up. I find myself at the end of the week getting into bed and wondering where the week has gone. On occasion I realise I haven't prayed, again. It's not out of not wanting to, it's purely because I forget to put time aside to spend with God. I sometimes feel working in church is enough, I forget to take time with God and completely abandon myself to Him. This then becomes a problem. I love serving in my church, working with young people is incredible - I love seeing them grow and the rising up of a new generation, it's so exciting to see. I encourage them to read their Bible and pray, spending much needed time with God - even though I sometimes forget this myself. I try and input into their lives, but as I lack spending time with God, I subsequently lack in the quality of my input. I'm sure you're familiar with the phrase 'You reap what you sow', this does not just count in the way in which we treat people, it also means that what we sow into our life - what we invest in (take time with God) - shows in our lives and our teachings. Without being still and properly spending time with God we fall away from knowing Him, from getting properly close to Him. We can't expect to know someone we don't take time in knowing.
     I feel however the above verse isn't just about spending time in getting to know God, I think it's also just spending time with God - letting His abundant love wash over you. God loves you so much and wants nothing more than for you to spend time with Him; resting in His love. When was the last time you actually spent time in God's presence when you weren't praying for something? When you were totally and utterly overwhelmed by Him; when His love was tangible? I think we sometimes forget just how precious we are in Christ - you are His child and He more than delights in you, sometimes we need to refresh this in our minds, we need to remind ourselves of His unconditional love.  Get to know God's character, get to know His plans for you and remind yourself how much He delights in you. It's something we sometimes take for granted. We are taught as children that God is all loving, but as we grow up we forget this. When we are children we delight in prayer, in learning more of Him. How often do we still do that? We need to remember our childlike faith and come to God as His child. When we do this we find it easier to hear God - to rest in His grace and to read His word.
    It's easier said than done. You may read this, feel a bit convicted, pray tonight and then get busy again. You may not find the right sort of structure to help you. I know not everyone's way of spending quiet time is the same, I get that people have different ways of doing it (some people like set times, others don't mind it not being the same time every day). It doesn't matter how you do it - it doesn't make you more/less holy than the next person, people are just different. But here is my own personal way I master quiet time; (DISCLAIMER: quiet time does not have to be a big thing - you can also have quiet time on your way to work/school/university - this is just for the time when you need to be still).

*Put time aside. This isn't a chore - but make sure you are able to make time to get into God. Don't do it as a last minute thing. First thing in the morning is a great time, but this isn't completely necessary, whatever you feel best with*

1) Turn it off. This does not mean put everything on silent, it means turn it off, right off (I sound like a public awareness video). By doing this you have no temptation to look at your phone at all. Even better, put it in a different room.
2) Be alone. I truly believe that we all need time to rejuvenate on our own. As much as fellowship is great for our walk with God, also taking some time for just you and God is beneficial too. This way we are able to have an intimate time with Him.
3) Worship. One thing I find very helpful is the use of worship music whilst spending time just with God. The power of music and worshipping this way is incredible. One of the reasons most people burn out after a conference/festival is because they are not given the opportunity to have worship every morning/evening.
4) Write stuff down. This one really benefits me; I have a notebook (this is a great opportunity to raid Paperchase for their notebooks) and I write down my prayers and thoughts and what God has said to me. It works so well because I can look back on it and see how God has really worked in me - it reminds me of His promises and encourages me. It is also a great place to put the Bible verses that have stuck out for you.
5) Don't time it. Allow yourself to get lost in God, stop thinking about what your plans are. Take your rest in God (this is why it's best not to have time just before you're doing something). Quiet times don't have to last days, but make sure you aren't just doing it to tick it off your list.

     Put time aside to spend with God, don't make it a chore on your to-do list, delight in spending time with Him. Turn off your phone, disable your Facebook, just take time to be still and know that He is God. Rest in His presence a while. Remind yourself of all He has done for you, the miracles He has performed. He is God.

Blessings
May
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The day I stole

I remember it so well, as if it was just yesterday. I remember the thrill and excitement, the rush of blood and adrenaline mixed together made it altogether more daring. Let me set the scene; my mum had taken us shopping, all of us. We were only children and supermarket shopping was pretty dull - but this day has stuck with me. The memory of it failing to disappear - even fifteen years on. I remember seeing it lying there on the ground, Alexander and Grace saw it too. Glistening in the artificial light, small, round and perfect. In a green wrapper it lay, a green foil to keep in the freshness. A single mint chocolate bar/circle. It lay on the ground, a virgin chocolate thrown away from its packet, left to fend for itself. It's only kind we did what we did. I can't remember who picked it up, I'm sure it was Grace as she was the eldest. But all I remember from that point was the taste of mint and chocolate as we split this small yet perfect chocolate bar between us. It was bliss. Still to this day I don't think we ever told my parents, whether it be out of shame or the fact that we had loved the chocolate so much (& for some reason I'm pretty sure we weren't allowed this particular type), or the fact we took pure delight in eating chocolate from the floor...I'm not sure, but I still remember this day and what we did.
   
It's not the world's biggest crime. To be honest it probably isn't really a crime, we, as children took chocolate from a shop floor - which is actually quite gross now I think about it. I've never really forgotten it, I mean don't get me wrong, I don't lie awake tossing and turning, feeling years of guilt and shame over a chocolate bar, but I do remember it. And the problem is, sin doesn't let you forget, most of the time. Although I've never spent days on end seeking forgiveness for the the chocolate bar, I have spent days of feeling particularly guilty and ashamed of other stuff - really boring, mediocre things that to me seem like the biggest deal ever and make me the worst human alive, even though I've sought and received forgiveness.
   Sin is from the devil, we know that - it's kind of obvious & with sin comes guilt and shame. One of the reasons we know we have done wrong is the guilt we feel. It's not our fault, we live in a world where people getting their own back is a given (there was a flipping show about it when I was a child...). People strive to take revenge on the wrongdoings of others - even once the said person has apologised. It is obvious we would feel guilt. But this isn't what God wants for us, this bondage of guilt and shame is something God wants us to break out of. Our unhealthy relationship with sin and shame is slowly but surely hindering our relationship with God and how close we can be with him. We need to ensure that we break out of this cycle of feeling this way, we can't live our lives being ruled by sin. In some cases we feel as if we can never be forgiven - as if our sin is too great and too dirty to be forgiven - these are sins nobody knows about, we sometimes push them to the front of our mind as soon as anyone talks about sin - you probably have it in your mind now. Know that once you have sought forgiveness, forgiveness is given. 'As far as the East is from the West, so has He removed our transgressions from us' (Psalm 103:12). Jesus died on the cross for our sins, every sin was nailed with Him. He didn't only die, He rose again, He overcame the biggest hurdle. He made a way so that we may have life and have it to the fullest. Your sin no longer defines you. To protect yourself however from the trap of a cycle of sin (sin we seemingly can't escape) we need to pray for breakthrough and pray that Jesus will offer us protection as well as being able to break down the walls of sin and wrong doing that we have built. If Christ can overcome death, He can overcome sin.
     Guilt is a horrendous experience, it keeps us awake at night and makes it difficult to want to get close to God. It becomes part of our every day life and hinders us from truly living. But we know this is not the way we should live our lives. We shouldn't be ruled by this great thing which really has no power. Christ has forgiven us, redeemed us and set us free. Guilt is of the devil - he strives to make it as difficult as possible for us to get into an intimate relationship with God, he lies to us and manipulates situations in order to make us fear and feel shame, but this shouldn't be the case. God loves us and is so merciful that the enemy HAS been defeated, therefore sin has been defeated - it no longer has any power. Once the slate is wiped clean, it is wiped clean. There is power in the name of Jesus, to break EVERY chain. Jesus is the only one who has the power and authority to judge, yet he forgives us. His grace is never ending and His love in never failing. He delights in you, His merciful power taking control of you. Know freedom, know forgiveness.

Blessings
May
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I make good gravy

There always seems to be that one person who is good at EVERYTHING. They seem to effortlessly be able to go out and do everything they set their mind to. They can sing, dance, act, look good whilst laughing - pretty much do everything. I, however, am not one of those people. But I admit that, I have finally come to the realisation that I am not especially talented, but God delights in me anyway. This didn't stop my parents from encouraging me in all my endeavours. As a child I learnt ballet, violin, flute, had singing lessons, rode a horse (once) and was encouraged with acting. Clearly none of these talents really worked out, but my parents were keen to encourage me either way, they made sure that if I wanted to do it I could. I learnt pretty early on that it's tough to be talented - you have to stick it out, it doesn't come naturally to you. I also learnt that with the right encouragement and support you are able to do what you set your mind to (or in my case willingly accept defeat). In fact, once when I asked my friends what my talents were I was given 'makes good gravy', which I'm cool with. I do make good gravy.
    It seems in the Christian world that there are two types of talent; the worship leaders and the preachers. Everything else is what we say when we feel people need humbling. It seems that everybody aspires to be up at the front being the all singing, all dancing leaders in the church - because God loves those people more, right? Growing up in church has taught me a lot of things and one of the main things was that a lot of people aim high - missing out a few key things on the way. They become a servant to themselves and not to God. They forget that we are here to serve the Living God - that does not just come in the form of being at the front (that does help), but being in the background. The talents don't just end at what we can see, but what God sees.
    It's tough growing up with older siblings, my sister was the clever, pretty one who seemed to do amazingly at school. My older brother was the same (maybe not so much pretty, but he had the banter). Grace played the clarinet and Alexander played the drums, even my little brother  plays the guitar. It's pretty tough. I know what it's like to seemingly have no talent. I sort of came to a point in my life where I was just going to be a nice person (still working on that one...), but then God really spoke to me. Just because I wasn't necessarily talented with things that people see as being great talents (Godly talents) didn't mean that I wasn't blessed with talents of my own. It also didn't mean I was less holy because I could strum four chords on a guitar. (DISCLAIMER: I'm not for one second suggesting that people who lead worship/preach lack talent, you guys just got it good).
     God delights in all we do, talents don't go as far as what we can show off in a talent show - but certain attributes fall under he heading of 'Talents'. We are giving certain things we can act with - we are blessed our personalities, our attitudes toward different things and the way in which we approach things. An example of this is my friend (not going to name her because it'll be awkward), but she is talented and not necessarily in the obvious ways - well she is, but there not the things that stick out for me. She is kind, loving, willing, encouraging (the amount of times she's encouraged me with blogging and writing - I make her read all my stuff because I know she'll help and encourage as oppose to mock and hinder), she is so servant hearted that it is heart warming to see. You might not think these attributes are talents - but I truly believe they are, she has a child-like spirit, of which I am envious - but that adds to her character, it's one of her talents. She doesn't have to make a big deal of it, but her talents are obvious.  It's such a pleasure to watch her grow and to have her with me, the talents she possesses help me realise my own talents. The encouragement she offers is great - it changes a lot.
     On a little side not I would like to approach encouragement, as I mentioned above my parents would be keen to encourage me in all I did. Encouragement goes so far, if someone is good at something or shows talented attributes you need to encourage them, most of the time they aren't even aware of what they're doing, they're never encouraged - this is a tough part of it. We are told in the Bible to encourage one another - this does not mean only encourage those who are easy to encourage.  ' Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing' (1 Thessalonians 5:11). When we encourage one another we build each other up, we let people know that what they're doing is good. Just because it doesn't seem like a 'worthy enough talent' doesn't mean that it is. Encourage those around you, the quiet ones, the ones who pours the after service coffee, the prayer ministry, the woman who always asks how you are and actually shows an interest. God delights in each and every one of them, just as much as the man on the stage- their talents are noticed by Him so therefore should be really noticed by us.
    Everyone is talented. We all have different attributes which add to our character. As cliche and patronising as it does sound - sometimes just being a kind person is a talent, offering up your time to work in church, being that one person who makes sure the little old lady at that back has somebody to talk to shows your true servant loving heart. These talents are spoken about so much and so often we see them pass us by. Engage with your talents, just because you're not at the front doesn't limit you,  God has empowered you with talents that make you who you are. Find yours out and work on them, don't do them for your glory - but for the glory of God.

Blessings.
May
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How about a Christian coffee?

I remember when the first Christian boy asked me out for a coffee. Oh my life, I was excited! It's a well known fact that a Christian date is a coffee. Christians everywhere meet up in quirky coffee shops, drinking fair trade coffee out of colourful mugs with their future husbands/wives whilst a totally Christian-friendly singer strums a few chords on an acoustic guitar. Such a Christian cliche, I was looking forward to it. I donned my skinny jeans, TOMs and baggy t-shirt, pure Christian chic. I had my nose pierced (edgy), which made me really look like a Christian who knew how to have fun (but not too much fun, my nose piercing was a stud - don't want to seem to rebellious and go for a hoop - IMAGINE) I walked into the crowded coffee house and saw my man here, reading a Francis Chan book and cross referencing to his well thumbed Bible. I looked at myself in the reflective glass (I didn't go with that much make-up, I wanted to emulate Ruth not Hagar) and made my way over. Sitting down opposite him he looked up, quiffed hair looking flawless. His chequed shirt looked great on him and I could see his guitar next to him (just in case music just came to him). He smiled at me and asked what I wanted - a standard coffee, with just milk.  Very Christian.  I knew he was going to fall in love with me right there and then. As he came back and we sat and chatted I spoke about how epic God was and how I felt Hillsong's latest album had really affected me, spiritually. I spoke about how I felt like Esther, how I loved God and how I loved praying. He smiled as I spoke and took my hand...I then woke up.

I don't think I've ever been on an actual coffee date, I've met up with people for coffee and my boyfriend Chris and I go for coffee, but I've never done the hipster boy meets girl over Bible reading in coffee shop. Maybe I missed out? Maybe not. From a young age I wanted to get married. I'd be the one who'd suggest playing kiss-chase in the playground, I'd also be the one who stood still waiting for the boys to 'catch me', I had an imaginary boyfriend at quite a young age (to be honest I think that says more about me than anyone else), I'd jump at any chance to meet Christian boys and truly felt God was calling me to get married as soon as I was legally able to. Surprisingly I didn't date all that much, well no serious dates. At the time I was convinced I was going to marry anyone who prayed over me. Then I was old enough to go to Soul Survivor. Oh how a new world how been opened up to me, there weren't just boys from the churches in our city, but from all over. Floppy haired, chequed shirt wearing, guitar playing, Jesus loving boys.
    I'm embarrassed when I think back now on how much of a cringe I was when I met Christian boys. I'd decide that God wouldn't have put them in my life unless He wanted me to marry them - that makes sense? I couldn't see how I was meant to have male friends or how that would have ever worked. I do believe God does provide you with your heart's desires, so for me this was a husband, but I definitely was looking for it in all the wrong places. I started misreading signals from boys and 'falling in love' with worship leaders at various Christian conferences. I don't feel I was ever taught the true value of friendship in some ways. I feel like I missed out a lot as a teenager because of this. I didn't really know that Christian boys and girls can be friends without there being anything in it. I've learnt that now.
     Christian friendships are truly precious. They are the kind of friendships that we should cherish. Being friends with someone of the same sex is vital for our spiritual development - we need to be alongside people who are similar to us (as a girl who is more similar to you than another girl?), who can hurt for us and love us no matter what - getting alongside people of the opposite sex isn't enough. No matter how much you think you don't need people of the same sex as your friends, you do - believe me, a time will come when you realise this. But being friends with people of the opposite sex is incredible too, having a true and platonic friendship with them is a desire we should all seek. I know that I have boys in my life who I adore in a totally platonic way, true men of God who are strong and powerful, who challenge and encourage me. They are my brothers in Christ - I do not seem them in any way other than this. Being a girl and having boy friends is key to my own development and understanding. I have a boyfriend who I love and I have friends who are platonic. There's a massive difference. These friendships are true, wholesome and totally brotherly. I adore it. I know the annoyance first-hand of fellow Christians questioning the relationship between you and someone else - it's annoying and it should stop. But in order to do that you need to keep the friendship clean and platonic. Do not flirt with the idea of a possible relationship if you don't want it. Encourage each other like you would a brother for that is the strongest bond.
      The Bible teaches us on the importance of fellowship - it is vital. Not every Christian boy I meet is going to be my boyfriend, but there will be boys who will become my brothers. We need to ensure that we encourage this - more relationships between boys and girls that are clean cut and innocent. Friendships help build people up and having someone of the opposite sex is so handy for that.
'A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity' (Proverbs 17:17)

Make brothers and sisters in Christ - we don't need to all marry the first Christian boy that shows interest in us. Relationships are great, but friendships are the real deal - a true brother loving relationship which nurtures and helps. A lasting friendship that can be done over coffee.

Blessings.
May
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I found love in a hopeless place

I used to love following my older siblings around, they clearly hated it. I was three years younger than my sister and just a year younger than my brother. I loved them to bits (& I still do) but I probably annoyed them no end. This one time our family went to Germany on holiday and we visited a lake. My brother decided it would be a good idea to wade out into the lake, I followed him promptly and as it got deeper I continued to follow him - I had committed and even though I was only about four and I couldn't swim I was going to follow Alexander. I don't really know what the plan was or the point of the voyage into the lake, but I didn't care. I was following Alexander, my big brother, I couldn't be happier. Then I slipped.
...
I obviously didn't die. I did however just lie there, excepting my fate...I don't really remember much of it except my dad running into the water and totally rescuing me. His big arms came around me and picked me up, saving me from drowning. I don't think I really cared at the time, I probably just ate sand or something on the shore part - I was too young to really think anything of it. My sister had screamed the whole time and my brother found the whole thing absolutely hilarious. But my father came and reached me out and rescued me. (There literally cannot be a bigger metaphor than that...)

The name of my blog 'Ruins to Glory' is very representative of my life - of my walk with Christ. Truly I was pulled out of the rubble of my life and put in God's light. He has saved me and given me a life - and life to the fullest. God reached into my life when I needed Him & not just when I became a Christian but throughout my life. I think back on the times where I struggled and was far from God - but I look back and I can notice now how God was there, in situations and parts of my life that seemed dark God was there. I am able to say that now God has truly been my saviour. He has the power to lift you out of any situations. We are able to live our life how we want, for God or not - He has given us free will to do so, but also loves us. When we need Him, when we call out to God He will show up. 

I know this video is about 45 years old but this video for me is one of the most emotional and in-depth explanations of Jesus' love. We see the girl at the start dancing with Jesus - this exciting new and beautiful feeling we have when we first give our lives, however she is then challenged with obstacles like boys, money, self-image and alcohol. We see her move away from God and be controlled by these things that are of the world. But as it all comes to a head she goes back to Jesus. However, she is torn apart by the things she is involved with - she becomes a ruin, but before it all gets too much Jesus steps in and protects he. She has lived a life of sin, yet He refuses to let her go. He saves His daughter from downing. God picks you up - He will never let you fall, He delights in you and is in love with you. Know His love and forgiveness and all He has to offer. God will be there in the anguish and the pain, when all seems lost - all you need to do it look for Him - He will fight for you.

Blessings.

May.

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I am going to write a blog, but first, let me take a selfie

Meeting someone new is always quite a scary prospect - we never really know how to act. I am forever envious of those people who can make a great first impression, that's not me. I think I have a problem sometimes with how much of an awkward first impression I make. I remember needing to meet my boyfriend's parents and how frightened I was - not because of them, but because I just can't cope socially. I also have a problem, a clammy hand problem. This is a problem that I hope affects other people - it's when your hands decide to clam up. Meeting anyone is then the biggest trial ever. Now I'm at an age where shaking hands with new people is a standard I dread it. I have been known to fist bump over shaking hands. I'm a twenty year old white girl, I've never made fist bumping look less cool. First impressions for me are the worst. But I'd like to think once you get to know me your impression will fit who I actually am. You'll begin to understand how much I detest shaking hands with people and laugh at my jokes, even when they're not funny (which is never...). But that's because you've taken the time to get to know me, my identity.

I've already spoken about identity on a basic level, but now I feel I should speak about God's identity and how we can get to know it. The most obvious answer is the Bible. Where else would we find stuff about God being God then in the book about Him. As once described to me; 'The Bible is God's selfie' all we need to know about Him and see about Him is in this book. His identity is shaped in these pages, we get to know the real Him as we delve deeper into His word. A lot of us, as children would've been given this image of God - being the omnipresent being who lives in the sky with a grey beard - his son Jesus sitting next to Him with a brown beard and a very fetching striped number. We have this aesthetic view of God because of artists impressions and our own imagination, but to be honest the Bible doesn't really offer any sort of profile of God, we don't know the colour of his eyes or His shoe size, but instead we do know His character. We can see all around us His creation and all He has done so we know the power that He has, but we can't just leave it at that. If we want to know more of an artist we gain understand through research and interest in them as a person, we can't just look at their work and know all about them - we gain some understanding, our interpretation of the person, but that's about it. If we want to know God, we need to look into it. 

    The Bible offers plenty of descriptions of God - from start to finish, we can see stories of Him and we are able to gain an understanding of just how great He is. There are of descriptions of Him; 'God is love' (John 4:8) as we read the Bible we can get to know God. But this is it, we can't just get to know Him by remembering Bible verses we learnt as children, or Bible verses we see on bumper stickers - we must take time and invest in the word of God. (This does not mean flip it open and read the first thing you find - I did that once, it spoke about the wrath of God, Old Testament style - flipping scary stuff) We must read it & again not in the style of a story book. The Bible is (and I'm pretty sure this is a Mike Myers quote); Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth (Cringe). If we want to know God, read about Him - read the book that has saved many people's lives, that people have died for, that people live by - it's the only real way we can understand Him. (Watching Bruce Almighty will never give us a real sense of who God is - sorry about that.)

    I can tell you how amazing God is, His great works, His plans and how He has changed my life - but you need to experience it for yourself, you need to read the truth for you to understand it. We will only have a shallow perception - the aesthetic perception of Him if we don't strive to know Him. It seems almost obvious - read your Bible. And here's another obvious one - prayer and fellowship. How on earth do we expect to get to know someone if we don't talk to them, if we don't put time aside for them? As I've mentioned before, I'm in a long distance relationship with a great man of God - He is incredible, he challenges, encourages and blesses me (just showing off now). I love him with all my heart, he is my best friend and I know him better than anyone (and he knows me!) However, I wouldn't know him at all if I hadn't taken the time to get to know him, to find out stuff about him, to meet people who are crazy about him to, to know the people he loves & to love the people he loves. I talk to him everyday (to the annoyance of everyone) and I get alongside people he knows and loves. I've met his family and I truly love them, I've got to know his friends and again, I've gotten to know them personally as friends. I have made an effort. This is how we should approach God and how we get to know God. Get alongside people who adore God - who want to know more and are striving for the same goal (this means getting to know Christians - being part of a church, or being alongside other Christians). Speak to God - praying to God is key to getting to know Him and His power. Without talking to Him you'll struggle to know anything. Communication is key in any relationship - so why not this one? Prayer and fellowship is vital to getting to know God's identity. Reading the Bible does wonders, but it isn't enough. We must get to know God on a personal level and be in a relationship with Him. Being a Christian isn't a religion, it's a faithful, loving, passionate relationship.

You don't know people when you first meet them, when you don't take the time to get to know them. God is the same, we can't settle for an aesthetic view of Him, created by artists hundreds of years ago. We must look to get to know Him more through His word, through praying and through fellowship. It's the only way in which we can truly know God - the ultimate, the beginning and the end. 

'I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end' (Revelation 22:13)

Blessings

May

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Invisible friends are easier to forgive

I had an enemy when I was a child - her name was Said and she was from the Philippines and tried to split me and my then boyfriend (Cornelius) up all the time. I had a real issue with this girl, she constantly sabotaged my relationship and I'd always get into fights with her. My parents never saw her and couldn't understand my anguish and despair over my hatred toward this girl. She was invisible (as was Cornelius), but that's not the point, she ruined my first ever relationship and I still can't quite get over it. Just to clarify, Cornelius and I eventually did split up, I still think about him every day...

    Although Said was imaginary and I never really hated her I understand that it's not an easy world to grow up in. People will come and attempt to ruin things in your life, you won't get on with everybody and there will be people we would quite happily class as 'enemies'. They sometimes don't even know they're our enemies. We smile and wave at them happily - like nothing's going on, when really we're plotting a viscous tweet about them right there and then (that'll teach them...). Other times it's obvious we don't like them. Some of us our blessed with a chronic face disorder which makes us look displeased all the time, especially when we see them. We know it's not right, or Christian - but sometimes we can't help ourselves, especially if this person has done something that's not particularly Holy (even more so if they're a Christian - heaven forbid they do something wrong!)

   This subject is almost a taboo, it's again one of those things that we can so easily talk about, but putting it into practice is a whole other kettle of fish. As Christians we are taught to love other people; 'But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you' (Matthew 5:44) but this is so tough! We live in a world where we're meant to hate our ex's and our friend's ex's and our friend's friend's ex's and our ex's friend's dog's ex's - and it's easy to do so. It is so easy to find bad things to say and think about people, we find it difficult (especially when it's tough loving them) to show kindness toward people. This is where we need to change. We need to look at ourselves and our attitudes toward other people and alter a few things. 

    Hatred brings out bitterness in people, it brings out the worst side in the nicest people. We struggle to feel good if we have an issue with somebody, but worst of all we struggle with feeling close to God. It is written that when we have hatred we may never get to know God or be close to God in a full and tangible sense; 'Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in the darkness' (1 John 2:9) This Bible verse in particular resonates with me. When I was younger I fell out with my older brother, Alex and told my mum I hated him. My mum quoted that verse to me and I felt awful - I vowed to myself I'd never hate him ever again (I took the word brother to be literal at this point) - however, I still argue with Alex now..I don't hate him, but he is annoying at times! We cannot hate somebody and also be in the light with Christ. Hatred does not allow that - you have probably heard of the quote; 'Darkness is a lack of light' well hatred is a lack of love. If we have hatred toward other people we struggle to find love in Christ. But it is a struggle and it's real - it's difficult to make it ever go away. When we have a certain attitude toward other Christians - that is where it can be truly damaging. We are told not to speak badly of people chosen by God (basically don't bad mouth preachers, pastors, ministers etc.) but to encourage them. However, when we find ourselves in situations where we have anger toward people it's difficult to get out of it. But the damage this does, not only to you but the people around you and the person you hate is detrimental. Other Christians are not easier to love then non-Christians, but we do all love Christ and if we find ourselves bad mouthing them to other people - especially non-Christians we get ourselves into a downward spiral of bad witnessing and total and utter wrong doing in the eyes of God.

    I get that it's tough, it's something that I really struggle with myself - loving people who have done wrong by me - let alone praying for them - is a pretty foreign concept. But it's genuinely the only real way we are able to get over it. Hatred gets you nowhere, love gets you through. Before we come to Christ we must settle our differences, now this is a tough on - sometimes you can't actually do it, because the person isn't with you/doesn't know you even hate them, but getting it right with them in your heart is where it really matters. Being able to love somebody with your heart is effort, but with prayer and petition it becomes one of those things that is easy when Christ has control. Pray into the situations, when there is real hatred pray for a softening of your heart and a blessing over their life (it sounds like the worst thing ever, but it's so good - it gives such freedom!), pray that God will help you and enable you to forgive them. If you do need to sort it with the person, seek God before every situation/conversation with them. Ask Him to guide you with what to say and what to do. Love is easy once you get the hang of it. Only when we have had complete freedom from ill feeling toward people are we able to get deeper into God's grace and love. I'm not saying for one moment that I never 'hate' anybody, or talk badly about someone who has done wrong by me - but that has got me nowhere and I can honestly say that the only way I have been able to deal with it is through prayer and petition, blessing and honouring all that the particular person has done (and for a huge prayer for softening my heart).

Hating people is easy, we are pretty much taught how to do it. Forgiveness is tough. I found it difficult to forgive Said (and she wasn't real), but the freedom you get from it is unattainable through hatred. Love always wins.

Blessings.

May

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Sorry they didn't have your name

So one of the biggest challenges for me growing up was my name. Having a name like May was probably the worst thing for me. All my friends at school had good names, like Hannah or Megan - I was May. It's not even cool or hippy. There isn't even a back story to it - it's just May. It also rhymes with everything. It's unusual, yes, but this isn't great as a eight year old, desperately struggling to climb up the social ladder and own an Alice band that says my name on it...alas, I was only able to wear one that said 'princess' or 'angel' or some other pet name, nobody ever called me. It's also the name of a month, which meant I was chased round the play ground, people tunefully singing all the months of the year to me (it didn't help that there was someone in my class called April). Having my name sucked. On one occasion my grandmother had returned from a holiday with a little goody bag for us all - my sister Grace got one, my brother Alexander got one (both with their names printed in capitals)..I was handed a little wrapped up present...excitedly I unwrapped it, my hands were shaking as I turned the bag over (my head was filled with pride as I imagined my name being printed on this bag for the world to see. I'd take this bag everywhere with me (even though it was only large enough to fit a chewit in it) but it would have MY name on it.) as I looked down at the bag I read the following: 'A bag for; sorry they didn't have your name'. I have never been so disappointed in my life. Not only did they not have my name, but they had the audacity to tell me about it. Gutted doesn't even cover it. From that day on I've searched high and low for anything (other than a calender) with my name on it. (I really don't want to talk about the heartache when the named coca-cola bottles came out).

For years I hated my name, I hated how it shaped me. I would always have to say my names about six times for people not to think I said Meg (this still happens, please just listen to me). My name was my identity, it was something I was stuck with for life (even if I decided to change it, I'd always be born as May). My name isn't that great, I know that. But as I became a teenager my name wasn't the only part of my identity I struggled with. I began to struggle with who I was. I was also told that Christianity was the right way - I come from a great Christian family and I adore that they encouraged me in my faith, but also let me experience some of the world. I was baptised when I was twelve and I thought that was it, life would be easy now I was a Christian and all I needed to do was sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. Oh, how wrong I was. I grew up with a great group of friends (who I'll always love) but as we became teenagers we struggled with the standard teenage things. Image was one of these. I never really cared about image (this one time my sister's friend told her that he didn't realise she had two little brothers...he meant me and my brother), but I became more and more aware of how I looked as I grew up. I would compare myself to people and I began wearing make-up (big mistake). I would shape myself on how other people dressed or did their make up (at one point I would be caught with big black rings round my eyes, poker straight hair and a studded belt - hot). I strived to fit in and 'look good'. But this idea of looking good changes all the time. 'Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting" (Proverbs 31:30) The Bible tells us here that the beauty we have does go. I only have to look backwards through my photos how fashion changes and how much it does not matter what you wear or look like, because ultimately in a few years it'll all change anyway. (Beauty is like an iPhone, wait a few months and the idea of something else will totally trump this seasons model). We shouldn't be shaped by what is materialistic, because it goes away it doesn't last forever. Our identity shouldn't be designed by what looks good - it should have a deeper meaning.
    But what does this look like? How can we, as Christians shape our identity in order to be something Christlike? Well we have to understand, first of all that in shaping our lives we have to come to the word of God. We should know that we are made by Christ, lovingly and carefully; 'For you created my inmost being: you knit me together in my mother's womb' (Psalm 139:13). You are not an accident. We were made by the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, creator of the heavens and earth - that's a pretty big deal. Every attribute we have, has been designed by Christ. The more we understand and believe this, the better. If we know that actually God is our creator, the better and easier coming to terms with our identity becomes. We are not to be defined by what the world says is identity - make-up and fashion only goes so far. Our identity through Christ is deeper, he knew us before we were even born - he knows us intimately. It's easier said than done, I know that, I've lived that. Being a Christian in the 21st Century is hardly walk in the park. We are told how to act on a daily. But as I keep saying, it is nothing compared to what Christ has in store. I heard an analogy from a lady at a church weekend away which really helps; Think of it like this: When you have sea water, it looks like the real thing, but when you drink it, it doesn't quench your thirst...if anything it makes you more and more thirsty for the real thing. That's like the world's idea of identity - we can try and go into the world and be like as the world wants us to be and conforming, but this never will satisfy us. We will never be made whole by living in this way. We may never know true happiness in ourselves in this way. Through Christ, the real deal, may we know true and ultimate happiness. He can be the shaping of our identity, because He knows us the best, He has great plans for us and love us on an intimate uncontrollable level. He has dealt with our past, He is in our present and He knows our future.
     Another problem is the idea of sin. I know the struggle of being able to let go of the past - I am overwhelmed by guilt and shame when I think about my previous sin and sometimes it's uncontrollable. But the simple truth is your past should not define you. I don't know about you, but I can't help but look around at other Christians and see how 'amazing' they are and how they've got it altogether. I think about what I've done and think I'm the worst person in the world (even though, it's not even that bad). At one point in my life I was ruled by my past failures, I was scared to open up to people and I could never really let go of anything - I held onto things that didn't matter and became obsessed with asking for forgiveness again and again. This resulted in me having very bad anxiety (this is something I still occasionally struggle with). I was taken to see a doctor and I still couldn't deal with it. I became so obsessed that I struggled sleeping and would get sick. I'd feel bad if I had talked badly about somebody, or drank too much at a party that I began to shut off my feelings. My past was totally taking control, I was unable to shake it and therefore unable to grow. This wrecked me. I couldn't stand it. 'Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood' (Isaiah 54:4) Your past does not define you. You shouldn't live in guilt or tainted by what you have done. Our God is so incredible and merciful that He does not look at you in disgust or remember your past. That was dealt with at the cross. You will not be reminded by your sin or shaped by your mistakes - you will grow from them and live from them. Know true freedom and identity in Jesus Christ.

Although I've come to terms with my name, I still hate having to repeat it constantly and get the occasional month joke..(the other day I also got mistaken for a boy..wow, that one cut deep). But I know that my name is not my identity. God knows my name, that's all I need to care about. My past is not what defines me. I have been made through Christ and of Christ. My identity is Him. Remain in Him, invest in Him.

'I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit' (John 15:5)

Blessings.
May
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There's something about Esther.

Good old Esther! She really was a bit of a babe, not only did she was she totally faithful - she was also beautiful! I love the story of Esther, it's such an encouragement to women and she is definitely one of the leading ladies in the Bible. I think she can be such an inspiration for women everywhere, through her we can understand God's love and sovereignty over all circumstances.

So lets get the main story to start off with; Esther was chosen from a load of woman - pretty much hand-picked by the king to be his queen. This doesn't seem like that much of a big deal, but understand that Esther (otherwise known as Hadassah - Esther is definitely easier to spell) was the cousin of Mordecai (who was a Jew). The king decided to throw this beauty pageant (when reading this I can't help but picture a royal, much older version of Toddlers & tiaras - minus Honey Boo Boo). He saw Esther and fancied her straight away and made her his queen. A bit later on Esther's cousin uncovers a conspiracy in which two of the King's guards wanted to kill the king. Mordecai told Esther, who promptly told her new husband - giving the credit to Mordecai (of whom Esther had not mentioned being related to). The King was obviously thankful, impaled the conspirators (Biblical kings definitely knew how to get their own back) and noted Mordecai's help. (I hope you're keeping up!) As the new queen seemingly was settling into her new position she discovered that one of the king's favourite guys, Haman, wanted to kill all the Jews (especially Mordecai - who had not bowed before him). Of course, this put Esther in a tricky position, Haman had already okayed it with the king (who, in his defence wasn't really aware of what was going on so it seems) and was getting himself ready for this mass killing. Mordecai told his young cousin that basically she wasn't safe for she was Jewish and she needed to get this sorted. So Esther went ahead, risking her own life, held a banquet (inviting both the king and Haman - (this he loved and enjoyed boasting about)) and, in the style of the best soaps, revealed her Jewish identity and Haman's wicked plan. The king was outraged, impaled Haman and decided to make Mordecai his right hand man - in the place of Haman. The Jewish faith and people were celebrated and protected by the king. Pretty awesome, right?

I know that was a lot to sink your teeth into (to be honest, when I started writing it I forgot how intense and dramatic it really was - as well as all the impaling going on). But as a basic outline I think we can appreciate just how incredible the story of Esther is. Esther came from a Jewish family, her mother and father had died and she was raised by her cousin. She had no royal heritage, but was beautiful; "This young woman was also known as Esther, had a lovely figure and was beautiful" (Esther 2:7). Esther was picked out for being beautiful, she won over the heart of the king purely for being attractive. This concept is a bit of a tricky thing to grasp - the king saw Esther, fancied the pants off her and married her - none of this 'beauty on the inside stuff' - which sucks. But get this, Esther was noticed for being a woman - a beautiful woman - but a woman nonetheless. She embraced her womanhood, she loved her beauty treatments (the king provided her with such things) and was pretty much a Biblical pin-up girl (like the ancient world's answer to Kate Middleton). I think this part is vital to remember. Esther was picked by the king for her womanly looks - she was put into this position as queen for the reasons that followed. She saved the Jewish people because she was queen. God enabled her and blessed her with her attributes to ensure her in a position of power. It also proves that God doesn't just pick the men. Moses, Joseph, Joshua...the list could go on, they're all great men of God - but God picked Esther and she was pretty much the girliest girl going - that's just a little bit encouraging!  Embrace your womanliness, God has made you a woman for a reason - do not feel less because you are not a man. Women are incredible, and God delights in you. We can be used by God in the same way he uses men, we have different attributes and skills to men and this is something we can use in our serving of God. No matter who you are, where you've come from, what you've done - God can and will use you.
   God's reign overall is prominent throughout this story. He put Esther into these circumstances and protected his children through her. She was made queen and had one of the biggest impacts in the Bible. She may not have been rich and she had no parents yet she managed to save a whole group of people. God had a purpose for her life and used her, even though she was also young. She was given the courage and the wisdom to talk to the king, even though it meant risking her own life and prevailed. God's reigning power rules overall and wins. Although God is not properly mentioned throughout this book it is clear that He is in the background working. He always is, He constantly works in our lives and changes us and prepares us for the challenges we are going to face. Although we may not notice it God is constantly doing work. He would never put us into situations we cannot handle, we are constantly being prepared - just as Esther was. The way in which we can prepare ourselves and allow God to really do work in us is by reading our Bible, and having an actual relationship with God. It's something we are told to do - but sometimes we fail to do it (you're not alone in this, it's easy to talk about, but doing it is something completely different!) Having time with God is vital for our relationship with Him and our attitudes toward living a Christian life - so we have to work at it. Like with any relationship, communication is vital. (Quick story: I'm in a long distance relationship - I love my boyfriend, but when we don't communicate and we fail to talk to each other we struggle as a couple). If we want to move forward with our faith and prepare ourselves to do God's work and for God to use us we have to make sure we spend time with Him.
   
Esther wasn't an accident. She had a purpose. She was a beautiful woman of God, but her looks and physical attributes were not what made her famous. Her courageous, loving and faithful heart was the thing that people remember. She obeyed God and lived for Him. She was made to be the queen at that time, she was made to save people. We must remember that we are made for His purpose, made to serve Him and part of His plan. We are not accidental and we are being prepared as we walk through life. God is constantly working in the background, even if we can't see it straight away. His love prevails.

Blessings.
May
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New blog!

I'm totally new to this blogging stuff - well not totally new, I've had a tumblr and I did have a blog at some point when I was a teenager...which didn't really go anywhere. But it's been on my heart a lot recently to begin a blog to maybe encourage others and also become close to God as I study His word and discover His plans for me.

I'm twenty years old and currently studying English at a University - I love writing. I have a real passion for it and I enjoy other people reading my stuff - especially when they like it! I've been a Christian for eight years now and I fall in love with God more and more everyday. It's such a cliché but I don't know where I'd be without him. That is one of the reasons my blog is called 'Ruins to Glory' I truly believe that God has pulled me out of the rubble of my previous life and brought me into a place of His glory and love. I'm not saying that I had some terrible life at the age of 12 - I was very fortunate to be brought up in a loving, Christian family who encouraged me and protected me in all they could, yet let me live life so I could experience things for myself. Through this I was able to gain a new understanding of the world. My parents forward thinking, liberal attitudes toward our upbringing meant that all of us 4 children were able to gain our own faith and also experience things that at the time we thought were great - but now realise that it's not the real deal!

I really hope my blogging will encourage, comfort, help and sometimes humour you! (I'm not 100% sure about the latter - I've recently discovered I'm not that funny).

Blessings.
May
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